#anyways they've been on the mind i fear i won't be over this soon

[s0up1ta]

i hate them so much

[florsial]

The safe house where Regulus was staying was hidden within the dept of a forest away from prying eyes as his mind deteriorated more and more from the effects of the Emerald potion. Never having fully recovered, physically and mentally.

This is where James finds himself now, washing away wounds that just won't stop bleeding. It had been a couple of weeks since Regulus turned up on Euphemia and Fleamont's door, locket in hand and covered in red blood, pooling on the ground around him. No matter how many bandages, potions, and even muggle remedies. The scars just continued to bleed and bleed and bleed. Leaving Regulus lightheaded and weak more often than not.

Anyways, the feeling of water soaking through his pants and to his skin brings him from his thoughts. James raises his wrist to push up his glasses and returns to gently wiping the wounds clean. Regulus is doing the same, to the best of his ability that is with only one hand, and feeling severely nauseous, his pale hands shake as he roughly wipes his neck of blood. Too tired to be as careful as he usually is.

"Just let me do all of it," he frowns when Regulus winces from the pain, "you're being too rough with it."

"Just wanna get it over with," Regulus mumbles in reply. His eyes fall close and for a second, James almost shouts at him to wake up. Fearing that if the other closed his eyes again, they would never open. Just like when he arrived on the Potters' doorstep. But rest was probably what Regulus truly needed instead of hours spent in a bath of boiling hot water, not cold, and bleeding out.

"Soon," is all James can say, "it'll be over soon."

"Okay."

There is something so...casual about the way Regulus says it. Without a second thought. Like he placed his entire life in the rough hands of one James Potter and trusted him enough to not throw it out the window. They've tiptoed the line of strangers and lovers. Danced on the tightrope above the deep pit of their desires. Never venturing further past one or the other. There are lingering glances and stolen kisses but also scathing words and hard glares of hostility. It surprises James how in one moment he can look at Regulus with so much love and the next with so much hate. But hate is just another version of love, something like that he's heard Mary once say.

With that in mind, he allows himself the indulgence in the form of a kiss to Regulus' bloody knuckles. Mumbling, "It'll be over soon", into the red, slicked skin. Painting his own lips red. He hears the water as Regulus slowly moves closer, their faces inches apart. A hand carefully rests on James' face.

"I love you," Regulus whispers, like a prayer. His voice is quiet, and the words sound so right like he was born to say it. Born to say it to James specifically. There isn't the usual tremble in Regulus' tone.

"I love you too," he replies in quiet volume. It reminds him of children hidden underneath blankets with a single Lumos for light. Whispering to each other a secret not meant for outside ears. Shared only the moment of privacy and weakness.

James will never hear it again. Not for a long, long time. Not for the remainder of the war, not for the aftermath as everyone picks up the pieces left behind, not as Sirius and Regulus scream, cry, and talk, and not as he leaves for China when it's all over for years.

Leaving behind a patient man waiting for Regulus to say those words again.

[iicarused]

I feel like Alastors relationship with the reader would differ depending on when they meet (spoilers for ep 5 and 8).

Like, if they grew close before they died or soon after, his relations with them would be a lot more tame, as tame as a serial killer can get. I mean yeah, there would be some cracks in the dam to be fixed depending on how chill you are with his true self. But otherwise becoming actual friends with him is easier in his early days in life compared to how he would be when the show takes place.

If they meet in present day then it would be a lot more strained, we've seen in the last episode of season 1 that Alastor can't fathom the thought of him getting attached to the gang. So I doubt that this would be healthy later down the line, doesn't mean you can't try to turn it around. Sure, I'm not gonna dismiss Rosie or Mimzy (at least i think Mimzy and Al are friends, *Angel* “So uh, you and Alastor are like what? Friends?” *Mimzy* “Well, that's your word, not mine, but I think it fits”). The girls have a strong connection to the demon but I think Alastor's view on friendship changed overtime. To the point that he sees no use in forming any new ones, which is why his relationship with the reader would be so stilted in the beginning. Until he starts to show his real sinister colors. He might just do that to try and scare them off because he's scared of commitment and won't admit it.

Speaking of Al being a scary motherfucker, one scenario that's been plaguing my mind is of him “caring” for a, too good to be in hell, sinner. Telling tales of horrid action he witnesses other sinners committed as a warning of what could happen if they leave him. But their insistent closeness to him isent just one out of fear but a sick satisfaction. Knowing that they are the only demon in hell he wouldn't hurt. Is it toxic? Yes, but I find the dynamic interesting.

.

.

.

The room reeked of death, blood and gore caked the walls and floor mirroring the man's ill intentions. But he wasn't alone, in the middle of the room stood a meek soul untouched by the carnage. As if something had deliberately prevented them from getting durtide. A mock sympathetic grin along with sly jeeringly eyes stare back at the trembling sinner as he stalks towards them with slow predatory steps. Like he's dragging out the incoming slaughter, but no harm would come to the terrified soul.

Tears ran freely from their face as they stared back like a deer caught in headlights. But instead of listening to their inner instincts of running oway from danger they fought it, because they knew there was no escape. Not like they wanted to anyways. A smal crooked smile crept onto their face as their pinprick eyes widened in recognition, though their body wouldn't let them move. Still shocked by his display from earlier.

His grip on them, as possessive as ever, clasp their cheek as he caresses it with a blood stained claw. Wiping oway some of their tears while simultaneously smearing some of the viscera on them. Without thinking they lean into it, the only source of comfort they've ever known since they entered hell. At this point they will take anything they can get. The man's smile widens at there willingness, leading them both home and oway from the murder scene.

…

Husker never liked the radio demon, and never will. He's seen him both at his best and his worst, and they're both terrifying. He tends not to think about it, but over the years ever since they enter Alastors life he has… Changed. Little by little he noticed Al's strange behavior. Like instead of the pore sinner being berated for messing up a task Alastor coo's at them in a demeaning tone. Openly babying them after giving them a task outside of their skill level. Husker doesn't like it one bit (like he likes anything Alastor does). But he keeps his snout shut, he's seen the ways the overlords grin tightens just when he's about to insinuate his faults. And he doesnt wanna be involved in another of the radio demons outbursts. Besides, Al's new toy doesn't seem too bothered by the leash around there neck.

…

Alastor be like “imma part these bitches like the red sea” *kills everyone in his vicinity*

(Can I be honest for a second, I love hearing others' interpretation of Alastor, he's such an unique character and there's so much you could do with him. Not saying that the other characters are boring or anything, I just have Alastor brain rot right now.)

you are so real for this because this is genuinely how i see his character!! the idea of commitment and giving himself to someone is something he far from enjoys, and that’s just the bare thought of it.

i feel like he would rather have someone give themself to him — while he would put in the effort — it’s the effort of keeping them tangled against his web of lies. he whispers sweet nothings into their ears and offers ghostly kisses against their skin until it becomes an addiction — until he becomes and addiction.

at the end of the day, it’s not even about alastor being in love. it’s the idea of having someone fully devoted to him without him needing to be devoted to them, yknow? they need him more than he needs them, and maybe he likes that in a relationship. it makes him feel wanted.

even if his hands are claws that can easily break silk, they never felt so gentle against your skin.

[wanderingmind867]

All my Stressors regarding School:

After my visit to see my High School again today (which was stressful, but at least it gave me a hint as to what i'm doing), I'm now beginning to think more about returning to School on Thursday. But while I think about all of that, I think it'd be nice to make a giant note venting about all my stressors, so that I can try and get this all off my chest. So without further delay, here's some of the many things stressing me out about returning to school soon:

• The School looked different: Or at least I thought it looked different. The areas of the school me and my dad went to looked nothing like what I remembered, and that lead me to have a virtual meltdown outside the school. I know it was something like a meltdown because I yelled and hit my dad again. So that was very stressful. I'm trying to calm down from all of this now, but it's a very slow process (it's been at least an hour, and my mind still hasn't stopped reeling). I don't know if the school building actually was different, anyways. But I thought it looked different, and that did enough damage to my mental state.

• I've had Stomach Issues all summer: These confuse me and make me scared to go back to school. Since June, I've had bad stomach issues. Lately they've manifested as constipation, which leads to stomach pain whenever I inevitably have a blow out and clear my bowels. And with all of these stomach issues affecting me, I'm scared to go back to school. If my stomach acts up while I'm there, I don't know what I'll do. That's the really stressful thing. And that's one of the biggest reasons i've been getting in my own head about returning to school.

• I'm worried I won't have as much time to do stuff now: For example, take my tumblr account. I post on there fairly regularly, and I engage with it a lot. With me being stuck in school for full days now (discussed more down below), I worry I won't have as much time to post or do stuff online. And for some reason, that makes me feel bad. But it's impossible to tell anyone about this issue, because I never even told my dad I post on my tumblr account. So i'm suffering in silence on this one. And just to note, it's not just tumblr that i'm worried about here. I'm also worried I won't get to do more stuff, generally. But I'm choosing to focus on tumblr, because it feels like the biggest aspect of this fear.

• My phone's notes app doesn't work without internet anymore: This one. Oh, boy. This one has been messing me up since June, and it ended up giving me a second meltdown a little over 20-30 minutes ago (as of me writing this). My phone is old (I got it in 2019), and I've had the same notes app on it since that time. It's called notepad free, and I downloaded it from the google play store. It used to work perfectly at school. From 2019 to last may or june, it worked perfectly.

But then last may or june, it suddenly stopped working without internet. When I tried to use it at school (or literally anywhere that wasn't my home), the stupid thing would crash and stop working for me. So that's been making me nervous to go back to school. My dad downloaded the same app on a new phone he bought me, but it looks different there than it does on my old one (the one I wrote this on). And noticing that difference gave me my second meltdown of the day. Now I'm writing all of this from my bed, as I try to listen to music and destress while writing this.

• I have to be at School all day: This one also really stresses me out. And this one also needs more context to be provided for it to make sense. So let me explain: last year, I only went to school for half days. I got picked up by a van halfway through the day. I got used to that, and it provided a nice routine. With my stomach being so bad, I was really looking forward to having this as an option again.

But then the principal of the school talked to my dad. He said the school had budget cuts. And since I'm not in the ASD program anymore (since I technically already graduated), I've been cut off from having this service provided to me. So now I have to go to school for full days (from like 8 am to 2 pm), and I have to just get used to that. Even though I have my f***ing stomach issues. It's unfair. And this really, really stresses me out. I hate it.

• School wouldn't let us visit a week early, like we usually do: Yeah, this one made things way too stressful on me. If I'd gotten to see the school last week, maybe some of these issues could have been dealt with by now. But that option wasn't provided to me. Nope, instead I got stuck only getting to visit today (one day before school begins!). I understand the school was undergoing some construction, but not getting to visit the school until now made me feel really stressed. Finally, I want to stress how much I'm scared to have stomach issues at school: I don't want to have to go bathroom at school. That would be stressful, and it would probably make me uncomfortable enough to dash any and all hopes of going this semester. And I'm not talking about accidentally having some pee drip out into my underwear (if you'll forgive that mental image). That would be uncomfortable, but tolerable. It's needing to go bathroom in a more serious capacity that really scares me.

With all of these issues, sometimes you almost have to wonder if going to school would be worth it. Especially since the initial stress of going back might intensify my stomach pain. But I'm probably going to go back, anyways. The plan is to at least go Thursday, and see how things go. If it ends up going badly, then we go from there.

[pxppet]

Iris AU - Part 2

(Part 1)

-👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁-

Two IRIS employees sit in a rather bland looking home, talking with the owner over gone cold coffee.

"Why would you ask me to do this?"

"You're a perfect lure for him."

The homeowner sits back in his chair away from them, folding his fingers into each other. "You are joking."

"No, we wouln't joke over a matter as serious as getting him back under containment."

The man shakes a finger at them, angry and disbelieving that this is real. "No. No, no, no. You promised me I would never have to get near that thing again. When you let me go you said I would never have to be involved!"

"Please calm down, Mr. Schneeplestein," calls the more tired and haggard looking of the two. "The ALTRs containment wasn't expected to ever be broken, and this is a dire situation."

"Dire? Why should I care if it kills other people, all I care about is never seeing it again."

"Henrik," the second one in a lab coat attempts in a way too friendly way. "I know that those months were traumatic for y-"

"Understated, like any good IRIS poppet would."

"Mr. Schneeplestein if you don't do this, he may come for you anyway. At least this way you'll be guarded and have a high likelihood of us recapturing him to further keep you safe."

Henrik balks at them, trying not to look as furious as he is. He pinches his forehead over and over, feeling a headache start in the same place it always does, the heavy scar along the back of his skull. "You're insane. The whole company."

"Sir, you're needed for something bigger than yourself. Isn't that what doctors do?"

"I haven't been a doctor in years."

"If we can't convince you, we will use force. Too many lives are at risk, and too many have already been taken. We have no way of knowing he won't come for you. ALTR 114209 is obsessive when it comes to the people he chooses to 'serve' his purposes. All we're doing is ensuring you don't have to go through anything like that again."

"Try drinking shitwater out of a moldy pipe while that thing laughs at you, and after you know what it's like do this your goddamn self."

The employees glance at each other, and the tired guard stands up.

"We don't want to use force. Last chance." The mans hand is gripped on the taser in his belt.

Henrik feels his heart in his throat at the thought of ever being electrocuted again. The floor lights up and a blaze of agony stabs into him. But no, he's at home in his apartment. He just wants them gone. Don't look at me, he pleads in his head.

"Fine," he tries to sound drawn and cocked like a bow, but even he hears how badly his voice cracks. "I will help. But you have to keep that thing away from me as much as possible. I am not running blind into forests or slathering myself in butter. That thing and I have as little contact as you can manage."

The guard stands down. "Your help is appreciated, doctor. The van is waiting out front, we can fully explain the plan as we go."

Henrik sighs, drinks the remains of his freezing coffee, and stands to follow them out. Goodbye nice apartment, goodbye rebuilt life. The goons have plans for you.

-

Chase feels tired. Even still holding Anti's hand, which usually seems to make that go away. Even with shoes, they've been walking for nearly 6 hours across the English countryside. His body hurts. He's thirsty. But he can't seem to open his mouth to complain.

"We're getting closer," Anti says, as though reading his mind. "Even you'll be able to feel him soon."

Feel him? Chase feels a pang of fear at not knowing what that will mean. He doesn't have to wonder long.

He feels the smell of an antique store slap him across the face as they pass into a clearing, and he suddenly notices that an entire portion of the sky is… grey. Not with clouds, the usual blue has just been completely washed out to nothing. He stares up at it as Anti pulls him along, and for a brief moment he stumbles over his feet as his mind tries to stop him from going any closer. Anti doesn't even seem to notice, his entire face has contorted with excitement and he's nearly pulling them into a sprint.

Anti stops, across the clearing and against the next line of trees. "He doesn't like people he doesn't know. Wait here, Chase."

Chase feels his feet freeze in place, his entire body stiffening into an upright position. Wait, as a physical command on him. He feels foggy as Anti walks away, images and sounds flashing in his mind. Things he's seen before and things he never has. His wife's face, his old guitar, a childhood television show, a bowtie, Anti's face when they met- It cycles through his fluttering eyes so quickly that he can't tell what's real. He starts panting slightly. Where did Anti go? He feels his hands begin to shake.

His breathing has progressed to hyperventilating, when suddenly Anti's hand is in his again. Everything clears instantly and his eyes refoucus onto Anti, grinning, his eyes glowing even brighter than usual in their pits.

"Chase, this is my friend. Say hello."

Chase looks behind him, and whatever he was expecting, well, it's not that.

A polite-looking younger man bounces on his toes, half behind a tree. Like a child hiding. The only odd thing about him is just how pale white his skin is, and just how deeply black his hair and irises are.

"Hi?"

The man doesn't really do anything. No words come out, no gestures. He looks almost timid and tiny behind the tree. Chase swallows down his nerves.

"Uh, I'm- I'm Chase. What's your name?"

The man still doesn't do anything, his face nearly cartoonishly afraid. Chase looks at Anti in confusion.

"Oh, right, 'course. He's like a lot of creatures, doesn't really respond at first unless you use his own language."

"I don't speak anything but English and a highschool course level German, man."

Anti scoffs. "When did your kind get like that?!"

"Most people only speak one or two, I don't know what you want from me!"

Anti chuffs at him, like an annoyed dog. He turns back to look at his friend, and then looks at Chase. "Just copy my hands, okay?"

Chase watches his hands make a variety of shapes, tapping and touching each other. He figures it's sign language of some kind, but it's hard to follow it. He attempts to though, looking at the man with a slightly forced smile.

"You just told him your name, watch him now."

The man steps out from the tree, arms to the side as though he's trying to emphasise how lightly and carefully he moves. He siddles right up to Chase, and his hands slowly come upward. Chase doesn't have time to think before the man grabs both of his cheeks and squishes them. Chase accidentally blows a raspberry from the sudden force, and the man grins widely at him, shaking in his shoulders but making no noise.

"He likes you," Anti assures when Chase gives him a hurried glance. Chase blinks, confused but not entirely scared anymore. Anti's friend seems harmless. Just a... odd, overly formally dressed guy who doesn't speak. Ok, he can work with that.

Anti begins moving his hands again excitedly, and Chase watches them converse, slightly in awe. Not that sign language is unusual, it's just seeing these two almost-but-not-quite-humans use it that sets off his 'weird' radar.

Chase resigns to let them talk, and begins to sit down to rest. A branch crackles under him as he does, and Anti's friend stiffens in place as a massive wave of something bursts out of him. Chase tries to stand up and apologize but he... can't move. Can't do anything. Even Anti is frozen with a half smile and eyes halfway to looking at Chase. His blood feels strange. He doesn't think he's ever felt his blood, but it's like it's... heavy, all of a sudden.

The friend is still moving, rubbing a fist on his chest with wide eyes. The wave recedes back inside the man, and Chase gasps in a breath, not having realised he wasn't breathing. The rush of oxygen makes him light-headed and he falls the rest of the way onto his ass.

Anti is laughing, and grabs his friend and puts him in a headlock, rubbing his hair into a mess. "Asshole, I haven't seen you in 150 years and that's how you treat me?"

The smaller man is being smothered, and despite what just happened Chase finds himself worried Anti is actually hurting him. Not that he would risk getting between that.

Instead the man breaks free, shaking in that same way, shoulders heaving. Chase realises he's laughing, the open mouth clicking the pieces into place. A totally soundless laugh. A totally soundless... everything. Even his footsteps don't make much noise at all in the leaves as he tussles back and forth with Anti.

"Alright, enough!" Anti shoves at him and he dips respectfully in a small bow as he's thrown back. "We needed you to keep safe, but now I need a place for my human to sleep. Anything you can think of?"

The man taps his chin and foot in thought, face screwed up. He signals a lightbulb going off with his finger, and begins signing to Anti again.

Chase just tries to catch his breath on the ground before he'll have to walk again.

They seem to make up their mind, and Anti walks over to him, holding out his hand. "JJ has a place in mind for us. Let's go, Chase."

Wordlessly Chase feels his exhausted body follow Anti's instructions as their trek through the forest begins again, now with a third companion.

[not-that-blog]

So I have major death anxiety and my way of dealing with that is planning, a lot of planning and trying to prepare myself for the fact that when people die, it is going to absolutely fucking suck and I am going to hate it and it will rock my entire world all over again.

And I don't know her umblr despite knowing that I used to follow her on my original account, but I follow Berklie on TikTok and her dad just died and there's one where she mentions how she's mad at her brother again for dying and leaving her to face the funeral decisions alone.

And it hit me with the hardest fear that I had not considered actually....

How much will I hate my disowned sibling when we lose our mother.

How much will I hate him when I have to bury my father.

How will the three of us who actually 'talk' do when we have to bury either or both of our parents.

What happens when I lose my sister?

Like, tbh, we always thought that I would go first, but actually it looks like I am going to be the one who successfully fights death until I make it to my 90's or higher because honestly... I actually have a will to live not just not die…

But my sister also has a potential brain bleed and has had a stroke and is at high risk of stroke and all I can think is that at any moment my sister could die and she doesn't talk to me and I am clueless to what she would want tbh.

Similarly with my little brother, but mostly bc he does mixed martial arts and I worry about the impacts of yo-yo dieting for weight classes and head injuries for him... plus he still lives with our parents and that's just not a healthy environment. I moved out of that house and stopped having seizures every fucking day so that tells you a lot.

And the disowned sibling? The one who cut us off and us in return went 'cool, we're deadbolting it behind you asshole.'… I dread his return in any of those circumstances.

But if he returns for our younger siblings in the very very distant future, bc idc how much I fight with my younger sibling being an asshole too he's not allowed to die anytime before his 70's at least... I will lose my shit at him.

Our sister, I'll shut up a bit.

Our mother, I'll give him some shit but let him grieve.

My father? If he shows up there I'll tell him that I don't care about his grief there or whatever, he can fuck off, he can cry over his direct family members only, but for mine and our little brothers only piece of fucked up family? He's not welcome and he can go back to the abusive Hamilton fuckers he chose.

But I think with my father, who probably won't stubbornly kick it anytime soon but if he does...

Potentially the shirt he married my mother in. It's the kind of sentiment he would like because as much as I am team 'they should have gotten divorced years ago', they've been together coming towards 40yrs (I think mum was mid twenties when they met and she's 60 in February), married for 19/20 in September? I can't remember if I was 5 or 6 when they got married, but I think it's 20 this year bc mum was talking about going to Tassie for their 20th wedding anniversary.

My mother is probably getting dressed in something pink, flowy, long and floral. And she wants to buried, but also under a plant. So if I can, her headstone will be made so that I can put a rose bush on it. She refuses cremation so I can't just seperate her into necklaces and give people memorial plants. I will do memorial plants anyway for her, she'll get a little memorial plaque in a personal rose garden when I have a permanent place.

If my father doesn't go in his wedding shirt, probably something with coloured birds or a car on it. I have several shirts in mind he could go in, but I would also want to make essentially in memorial bears or blankets or something.

Because as much as my parents suck, I do actually care and believe they're good people at heart and I have seen that in them... they're just severely fucked up from some horrific levels of trauma and both are actually at risk of alzheimers, mum genetically and dad from all the head traumas and drugs. He's already dealing with major cognitive declines, it's just the curse of he's always been so fucking smart with a photographic memory and a decent enough amount of social skills from growing up rural that he hides it too well from medical teams and he's going to be so far gone before it shows up in testing. Because I haven't recognised my father in 5-6 years so, it's just painful.

I'm also responsible for everything now.

My sister has walked out and gone NC.

My younger brother is the kind of autistic that doesn't cope with it at all and I am actually completely terrified for what his response to grief will eventually be.

Our other brother has been gone for a long time and I am aware that if he shows up while I'm grieving I will lose my shit at him because the rage is there....

But I am the oldest child of my mother's second marriage and my father's oldest child.

I'm the one who's been designated to go through and remove things on behalf of both of my parents that they either: 1. Don't want the other to find. 2. Don't want the other to accidentally toss because it's valuable in some way and they both acknowledge occasionally that the house is affected by their hoarding habits.

I'm going to be responsible for burying my parents and I have never been so heartbroken and relieved to realise that I am going to be doing it alone.

Although realising this, I am going to sort out my own life insurance and funeral arrangements soon bc fuck leaving that stress to my loved ones.

[vitospaghetta]

Tell me more about Abby? 🥹

I'M SO HAPPY TO!!!! I'm really bad at telling people about my OCs because I have so much lore constructed for them in my head and so many disjointed fragments of writing for them scattered around my computer that it's hard to properly articulate it all in a way that's organized, but I'll try my best!!

My plan is to eventually have art commissioned of her, but I self-indulgently made her in BG3 (as close as I could get her to how she looks in my mind's eye anyway, with the help of a ton of mods lmao. I got her pretty damn close!!). She's 33 by the time Death Island occurs.

This is going to sound super weird I'm sure, but when I was coming up with what I wanted her to look like/dress like/behave like, I had this idea of 'I want her to look like what a Distillers or Hole song sounds like.' Aloof, sarcastic, and seasoned with enough unsavory life experience that she isn't afraid to be confrontational. Very 'do no harm but take no shit,' if you will. Despite her aloof demeanor, she's actually pretty personable. Just in a snarky, detached kinda way (unless you're special) lmao.

I could go into the backstory I have for her, but I'm sure you wanna hear about how this all relates to Leon so I'll get right to the good stuff, because their dynamic is seriously one of my favorite things to write.

She met him working as a bartender in D.C. He walked into her bar one night, ordered a drink, and, like the human pest he is, started flirting with her as soon as she came over to ask him if he wanted another a bit later on. Literally looked my girl in her eyes and told her "It's too bad you're the bartender, because I'd love to buy you a drink" like the fucking cringe factory that he is, and shockingly, she showed mutual interest by throwing his stupid pick-up line back in his face by giving him his next drink on her. They've been a pain in each other's asses ever since. 🖤✨

It started out as Leon just wanting to sleep with her, but he realized about halfway through their first date just how much chemistry they had, and is then struck with the fear of fucking things up. And then the fear that dating her would actually be worse given the circumstances of his life. But after a lot of 'will I, won't I,' he decides it's worth the risk, hoping that his happiness won't ever come at the cost of hers (though this guilt will haunt literally every waking second of their relationship).

I live for drama so I've spent the most time writing stuff/fleshing out what I affectionately call The Alcoholism Saga™ which takes place around the events of Vendetta obviously and is the lowest point in their relationship, but they're ultimately stronger when they come out on the other end of it. I'm not that cruel.

I don't wanna ramble too much, but if you have any specific questions about her or her relationship with Leon PLEASE feel free to ask me because I seriously love talking about them so much. 🥹

[lightsiided]

     that they both know the promise thor makes her may be revoked at any moment rests heavily, unsaid between them. still, he swears her they will see TOMORROW together, and rey believes him. they will. they must. all will be as he said: they will defeat gorr, return the children to their homes, and celebrate with one another. there is no other option. she knows she has to hold onto her hope. it's what leia would say if she were here. but she squeezes thor tighter anyway, letting her fear take over for just one moment. rey breathes him in, and everything else fades away... though it lasts only a few too-brief seconds. she sighs when they pull apart, but knows their duties await. this is the life they've chosen. the life that's found them.

she stays silent as they follow the doctor through the halls. all of what is spoken is foreign to her; it hardly makes any sense. she's more aware of the sun streaming through the windows -- the birds and flowers and life that waits just outside this building. how terrible, rey thinks, that jane's time with all of it might be coming to an END. what must thor be thinking? when he drops her hand it seems clear the answer is nothing good. worry is clear on her face as she looks up at him. "alright," rey murmurs gently, though she can guess he's already found a way to blame himself for everyone's misfortune. part of her yearns to talk to him about that now -- to ease some of his pain, to remind him at the very least to be GENTLE with his own mind... but she doesn't. with one last sweep of her eyes over his face, she departs through the door and heads into jane's room.

jane seems surprised to see her. it's fair, rey thinks -- thor is probably the one she wants to speak to. in her position, rey imagines she is the last person she'd want to see, a reminder of another life that could have been jane's if only things had turned out differently. "i heard you're not well," she starts softly. "i... won't pretend to know what that's like, but i wanted to offer -- well, i have something of an ability to heal injuries. sometimes... wounds and things..." rey trails off awkwardly, looking down at her hands. "i understand you have a different kind of ailment, but -- i could TRY IT, if you'd like."

there is a chair beside her bed. rey nudges it closer, then slips into the seat. it isn't as easy to navigate with no VISIBLE gash to tend to. usually, anyone she heals is bleeding and in desperate need of attention... but jane looks much as she always does, only smaller, somehow. she is paler, withdrawn. the dark circles under eyes seem to suggest this is a battle she has been fighting for a VERY LONG time. neither of them says a word as she settles in, first placing her hands along jane's body. rey shuts her eyes and thinks of healing. it's more complicated without an injury to picture knitting back together, but she's well-practiced in the transfer of life force... though as soon as she blinks again she's aware NOTHING has happened.

"let's try this," rey suggests gently, taking jane's hands in hers. this time, she thinks of both jane AND thor -- how happy she knows jane made him for a period of time. how she was there for events that ultimately shaped the rest of his life, how she might STILL be able to be there again, if she could heal...

rey pushes as hard as she can. her exhale shakes when it leaves her lips. "i'm sorry," she murmurs finally. "i'm not sure -- sometimes i feel it having... WORKED, or others will say they feel warm where the injury was, but -- did you...?" her heart aches with a sudden terrible pain. though she hasn't known jane long, rey feels her worry, her helplessness. to find sympathy for her position is easy; anyone would hate to see such suffering. "is there something else i can do for you? i know... we don't really know each other well, but -- if i can help, i'd like to."

mjolnir has healed his own injuries more times than he could ever count. it has pulled him back from the very precipice of death— stormbreaker, too. but a sickness? could they reverse the damage dealt by a body that attacks itself? he doesn’t understand how it could be possible. . . if it has worked, would jane look as drained as she does now? would she be as weak as she is now? though he doesn’t shake his head in denial. he supposes questioning is not a solid no. if she will hold onto hope until they are given reason not to, he supposes he should. they are, after all, symbols of hope themselves. a god and a jedi, the sole survivors of their people, who have witnessed a number of incredible things.

hope, however. . . scares him. it is devastating to have it swiftly crushed.

thor falls quiet, wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug. he bends to meet her where she stands, his chin resting on her shoulder. ever letting go is the very last of what he wants to do; for now, he can only savor her closeness and warmth while they have the moment to themselves. when he exhales, its audible. a hand cradles the back of her head as he holds her. it is hard, to let her words sink in and believe in them as she does. at least their current position hides the contortion of his face as a wave of pain rolls over him.

what is the purpose of reuniting two people and allowing them to be friends only for one to die? why must he— again— watch as people he cares for are put in perilous danger? valkyrie will be alright, he reminds himself. fate wouldn’t be so cruel as to take them both from him. . . though he doesn’t entirely believe that. fate has proven time and time again how cruel she is willing to be. at least he has rey. neither of them can truly promise always; the universe is an unpredictable, hostile place. all the time, loves are taken in the blink of an eye. and he is terrified— with two of them out of the fight, of course he worries for the one he loves the most. but he will do everything in his power to ensure she keeps her promise.

his promise is more difficult. there may be no tomorrow for him. he knows it, it is ever-present in the air between them. he knows that she knows it, too, whether she can acknowledge it or not. sniffling, he obeys her, anyway. “i promise.” he lifts just enough to kiss her head. he lingers, his hold on her only tightening, then leans his forehead against her. “i promise.”

thor remains as he is, silently appreciating her embrace, her optimism, her comfort. if not for all the outside stressors, it would be a serene moment. he is always happy to just be with her— but all they have is a moment. behind him, he hears the doors open, and a voice calls for him. “thor? i can take you to see jane now.”

with a sigh, he reluctantly releases rey. though one hand swings to catch hers, to pull her along with him while he abandons the small waiting area to follow her. “of course,” he says, stepping through the held open doors as instructed.

“we’re giving her fluids, pain relievers,” the doctor speaks as they walk; her tone is soft, but neutral, “and a sedative to help her rest. she’s been receiving all her treatments, but—“ they turn through a hallway, and she slows. “—that isn’t consistent with what we’ve seen.” at the end of the hallway, by a window that shows new asgard, they stop. the doctor gestures to the closed door at her left. “the cancer is progressing at a rate none of us have ever seen before. there are other, more aggressive forms of treatment we can try, but something is affecting her body’s ability to fight it. i’m sorry.”

thor spares a glance to the sunshine outside, then rey, then he nods. the doctor offers a sad smile before taking her leave. at his side, he releases rey’s hand so that his can clench into a fist. what wasn’t explicitly said— what he’d heard anyway— is that not only can she not fight it, something is making her worse. there is only one factor that could possibly be making it worse. and if it had never been available to her. . . if she had never met thor—

“will you go ahead of me, please?” though his voice is even, it isn’t without great effort. even he can hear the tightness in his throat. “i will be right behind you, i just. . . need a moment to myself.”

[kiridarling]

"𝐒𝐈𝐌𝐎𝐍 𝐒𝐀𝐘𝐒."

izuku midoriya | friends older brother!izuku + college student!reader + f!reader + squirting + size kink + more! minors dni! does this count? as dark content?

— 2.4k words

"It's simple: I'll stuff you full with two fingers, but they only do what simon says. Understand?"

“[Y/N?]”

“Uh, hey Izuku!” You smile, grip tightening around the strap to your bag. Izuku fills the doorway, broad shoulders kissing both sides of the frame, and you can’t help but feel minuscule in comparison. “Kota around?”

Izuku shakes his head, peering over his shoulder for a second before returning his attention to you with a click of his tongue. "Uh, no I think he's out with Eri. They should be back soon though...it's been a few hours."

"Shit," you curse under your breath. Your friend's older brother smiles in apology, biceps straining under his white tee.

"You need something?"

"Yeah," you nod, forcing your eyes back onto his, instead of the broad chest presented at eye-level. "Just my precalc book."

Izuku waits a second, thinking, before his palm claps against the doorframe and he's walking deeper into the house. "Come on in, then! I'm sure he won't mind."

You step into the house after him, and it's...weird. Weird being with your Kota's older brother without Kota there, because despite the thousands of times you've been in your best friend's house and as well as you know the greenette, you and Izuku have never been alone.

"Find it?"

You've been rummaging through Kota's room for a solid ten minutes and somehow still empty-handed, moving slowly in fear you'll see something you can't unsee. And hey, with Kota and Eri dating, anything's possible.

"No," you sigh, ready to give up rather than find a strap-on. "It's fine. I can just come to get it tomorrow or something."

"How soon do you need it?" The greenette asks, his forearms leaning against his younger brother's dresser. You take a seat on Kota's comforter instead, silently hoping you'll find your book by accidentally breaking your tailbone against the damn thing; you're a little disappointed when all your ass comes in contact with is a plush mattress.

"Like, tonight," you grieve, knowing that tomorrow morning, your math grade will suffer severely. "'S fine though. There's always another test."

Izuku snorts at that, crossing the room to take a seat next to you. The bed whines under his weight but doesn't collapse, and you feel a little bad to say you're surprised. Voice full of reminiscence, he sighs, "Ah, the college days."

You giggle, "You act like they're lightyears behind you."

"They might as well be," the greenette shrugs, before reaching behind your waist to steal a pillow. "Couldn't tell you a thing I learned."

You shrug trying to remember the last time you’ve felt prepared for a test, “Neither can I.”

Izuku chuckles and nods, though you’re convinced it’s because he has nothing to say. An awkward silence takes possession of the room by the neck, and you shift awkwardly, unsure of what to say that could give you an excuse to leave, or at least redirect his strange yet heavy gaze. As Izuku licks his lips, you notice how close you two actually are, as he's big to the point where your shoulders almost brush, but not quite.

"How um, hows your boyfriend?"

You scoff at that, but you suppose it's been a while since you and the greenette have talked one on one—and the last time you had, you weren't single.

"Oh uh, he's fine, I guess," you brush it off with a shrug and a wave, cringing at the thought of how that ended. "I don't know. We broke up a while ago, so."

"Oh sorry!" Izuku flushes and throws a hand over his mouth, and you giggle.

"You're fine. He was an asshole anyway," you chuck a laugh, but it's not really that funny. Frankly, he's left too many emotional scars to count, along with the ones healing from past exes. "I...don't have a good reputation when it comes to picking boyfriends."

“So, I’ve heard—no offense,” he says sheepishly, though you don't blame him. You've definitely had a few surprise visits caused by a nasty break-up or two, knowing this is the place you'll probably find both of your best friends hiding out. When Izuku speaks again, it’s borderline awkward as his eyes dart around the room, cheeks puffed and lips pursed in apprehension. “Found...anyone new?”

You frown, “Anyone new.”

“Yeah!” Izuku exclaims, and it’s almost encouraging. “Like a new boyfriend.”

“Oh,” you laugh, shaking your head. “Um, no. Like I said, I don’t have much luck with that type of stuff.”

Izuku snorts, rolling his eyes before he’s adjusting himself to lay on the pillow, half of his body upright. “I bet you do. You might not realize it, but you do.”

Now it’s your turn to snort and roll your eyes, leaning back on your hands with a huff. "You're just being nice, Izuku."

"No, seriously!" He props himself higher so you can see he really is serious, evergreen eyes locked and deadset, "Like—okay, and this might be a TMI or something, but how do they, y'know, and then be dicks, y'know?"

"They don't."

"They don't...what?"

"They don't...make me cum," you heave with great depression, despite the seemingly surface-level complaint. With wrists tightening around your ankles, you hate uncomfortably in the silence, and watch Izuku's mouth open and close, before it opens and closes again.

"Like...never?"

"No." You give him a weird look.

"But what about your last boyfriend? I thought he—"

"I don't know what you're looking for, Izuku," you chuckle, shaking your head. The greenette seems more pained than he is shocked, eyes wide with a big fat pout in place of a neutral face. "It's not like I haven't had an orgasm before. Just...not with someone else."

"That's not the same!" Izuku defends, slowly becoming more animated than you've ever seen him. "It's like...more passionate with another person, you know? And that makes everything a whole lot hotter."

"Thanks," you huff, mood souring more than it already has. Izuku's mouth stills once he realizes what he's essentially bragging, guilt clouding his face. As you exhale out of your nose, you can't escape feeling bad for snapping. "Look. I'm perfectly fine with being the only person to be able to make myself cum. It's not that deep."

"You sound like you expect no one to be able to," Izuku snorts with a raised eyebrow, shoulders bumping against yours. "You've just...had bad boyfriend luck. That doesn't mean no one's capable of doing it."

"Well," you click your tongue bitterly, because you've heard all of this before, and you're utterly tired of hearing it. "They've been able to make all their exes orgasm. And it's not like it even matters, relationships aren't abou—"

"I could do it."

"I—" you blink, shaking your head at the pure audacity of his request? Suggestion? Comment? Whatever the fuck. "Excuse me?"

"I—wait, listen," Izuku rushes like you're getting ready to book it the fuck out of there, sitting upright so his body is turned to yours. "You're...it's...I've been told I'm good with my fingers, right?"

And what a way to start a story.

"Izuku, in the nicest way, every guy is like this," you scoff, "He thinks he's all that just because a chick or two said you made her feel really good. I don't need to fake another orgasm."

"You won't have to," Izuku purrs cockily, leaning forwards on his hands and making you wonder where all of this is coming from. "Let's play a game of simon says, yeah?"

"Simon—" your chest collapses with a giggle of pure disbelief, "I'm not that much younger than you, you know."

"I wouldn't be offering if you were," the greenette reasons, eyes growing dark slowly, if any. "Yes or no?"

"What's the catch?" You bargain and Izuku huffs a laugh. You can feel it on your face.

"No catch, Pretty," he hums, and you can feel the vibrations in your fingers. "It's simple: I'll stuff you full with two fingers, but they only do what simon says. Understand?"

You gulp as Izuku lifts a hand—and a very large one, at that—and it's jagged and rough with scars and bulky knuckles. His free hand makes you grab his wrist and you're fingertips barely touch, but you’re pulling his hand south by your own volition.

“Gotta take your pants off first,” he chuckles, and you flush red. That would be helpful, yes.

It doesn't take long before they're off though, flung towards a corner somewhere—and this is when you realize that maybe, you shouldn't do this on Kota's bed.

"Izuku maybe we shoul—"

But before you can say anything else, he's pushing your panties to the side and shoving both fingers into you at once, eyebrows folding as he groans under his breath from the sensation.

"So wet already? Clearly, someone likes this more than they let on."

"I—what the fuck happened to simon says!" You yelp, but his fingers don't move. Izuku just beams like the deceptive asshole he is.

"Game starts now," is all he says, and you're huffing, propping yourself up on your elbows. Izuku's fingers might as well have knocked the wind out of you, lungs struggling to find room to breathe as he curls his fingers to tap directly onto your g-spot with worrying precision.

"Simon says um, move please," you grunt out. Izuku's fingers stay still, and you frown, kicking him in the thigh. "Hey, I sai—"

"You gotta be more specific than that, Pretty,” he says with a grin. You snarl. "Tell me what you want me to do to you."

"I..." you start, but it's fucking embarrassing, and you know Izuku feels you twitch around him when you say: "Can you um, fuck me with your fingers."

He doesn't move.

"Simon says fuck me with your fingers, asshole," you grunt with narrowed eyes, though they widen when he starts to pump his fingers in and out, chuckling when you shiver from the dexterity.

Except, his fingers move painfully slow, and you find yourself gritting your teeth at the speed when he doesn't make an effort to go any faster. You click your tongue—he's really going to make you request everything, isn't he?

"Simon says faster," you growl with a challenge burning in your eyes, and Izuku meets them with equal fire, fingers finally forgetting their torturous pace for a much quicker one. Finally.

"Fuck! Simo—simon says right t-there," your legs spread wider and Izuku makes more room for himself in between. He hums with dark eyes as you whimper and whine his name, writhing in his younger brother's sheets like they belong to him—like you belong to him.

"I wanna touch you all the time, you know," Izuku grunts before cursing at the sight of your wetness around his fingers. "Make you feel good, make you mine. I don't think Kota would approve, though."

"We don—" you wheeze and he places a hand next to your head, towering over you. The angle only gets better, your hands digging into the sheets as Izuku's fingers curl just right. "We don't have to tell him."

Izuku chuckles at that, chest rumbling as he leans in closer to the point where your noses nearly touch. "You dirty fucking girl."

You moan at that, hips bucking into his hand. You're so close and yet you need more, something else to push you over the edge for good. With a whimper behind a bitten lip, you say, "S-Simon says rub my clit."

Izuku's thumb falls upon your clit and you squeal from the amount of initial pressure, thighs jolting from the white-hot waves that pump through your bloodstream as his thumb moves in small, ever-quickening circles that have you gripping for Kota's comforter for dear life.

"Iz—Izuku I'm gonna—g-gonna cum," you pant, and he's ripping his hands away before you can even reach a hint of the edge. You glare at him out of pure and utter betrayal, and he beams.

"Simon didn't say, did he?"

Your mouth flies open before your brain has time to process it all, "Simon says make me cum, p-please, I need to—fuck!"

Izuku's stuffing you full with his fingers in an instant and his thumb returns to its rightful place.

"Yeah? You gonna cum for me, Pretty?" His hands somehow find the energy to speed up to the point where the clap of his palm against your pussy fills the room, slowly being replaced by a lewd squelch as you tighten around him. He chuckles when all you can do is whimper, grappling for his big shoulders as he says, "Oh, yes she is. So fucking close I can feel it."

You let out a broken moan and in a blink you're squirting, body buzzing as you make a big wet mess of Kota's sheets. It doesn't even register how screwed you two are because you're too busy wading waist-deep in the sea of Izuku's eyes, chest heaving in time with his as he gives you a look of pure awe. Not at what you've done, per se, but at you, and that's when you understand it—the passion.

"We should uh, probably clean up," Izuku flushes as he chuckles, cheeks pressing into the crescents of his face, and you find yourself smiling along with him. With a final click, he pulls his fingers out, gesturing to a circular wet spot on his now see-through shirt. "You made quite a mess."

Fuck the passion.

You shove your fists into his chest and Izuku laughs, pushing your hands away with his one dry free hand, wiping the wet one on Kota's sheets.

"Izuku!" You gasp, looking at the new and improved addition to your mess. The greenette shrugs.

"What? We're going to have to clean it anyway," he shrugs before assuming the dry spot to your right and nestling his forearms in the pillow to peck you on the forehead. Then he freezes.

"I uh...am I allowed to do that?"

You roll your eyes, grabbing him by his squirt-soaked shirt to pull him into a kiss. Izuku hums at that, suppressing the urge to smile as his big hands find their way to your waist. He's an annoyingly good kisser

"No, you're not," you say with swollen lips once you pull away. Izuku grins, teeth digging into his bottom lip as his eyes flutter to yours for a moment, before they're staring into your soul again.

"I like you," he boldly states, albeit quietly, like he's talking to your eyes and nothing else. "Like, a lot."

"I—" You start, but you're interrupted by a click of a lock and the sound of the front door opening. Shit.

"Oi! We're home, Izuku!"

[masterwords]

Long Division

Summary: Jess and Jack are not doing well with Hotch in the hospital. (09x05 - Route 66 hospital stay)

Warnings: nothing

Pairings: none

Words: 1.2k

Notes: Prompt 8 - Laying a gentle kiss to the back of the other’s hand from 50 Types of Kisses.

Read on AO3: Long Division

**

She's feeding Jack simple meals, whatever he wants. She's back to biting her nails so badly that she shoves them into big yellow rubber gloves before cleaning the apartment because the chemicals burn her chewed up cuticles. Deep cleaning, like the apartment needs it, Aaron always keeps it tidy. He's got a cleaning lady who comes once a week, someone vetted by his mother, and of course he deep cleans in the hours prior to her arrival anyway. She doesn't need to clean, but she does because it keeps her busy and it stops her chewing her nails until they bleed.

They've been doing it for days now, the same routine since it happened. She can't decide what to do, can't decide whether to move furniture to make it easier for him to maneuver, give him a steady line of chairs and tables to steady his gait against if he stumbles or if she should just leave it because he won't want the attention and he certainly won't think he needs it. She's gone and dug out every item of clothing she could find that would be easy for him to get in and out of, that would be comfortable, even bought a few new things he'll grumble over but he'll wear them and secretly admit she was right. Pants low slung and loose to sit beneath his new incision, he'll hate those the most. She's got JJ helping her build zip-lock bags for smoothies because she knows he won't eat, and JJ makes them for Henry when he's picky. Aaron isn't picky except when he doesn't feel well and then he's worse than a child so they're stuffing bags with bananas and avocados and hoping he doesn't lose too much weight before getting a handle on things. At night, she sits and watches Jack fuss over his homework while staunchly refusing her help.

“I'm really good at math, I can help,” she tells him, hovering over his long division work. He's not struggling with the problem itself, he's struggling with the concept of having remainders, of something in math not matching up and being neatly tied with a bow. Life has remainders, it's messy and unpredictable but not math. Math is comforting in its predictability and he loves it, has told her so many times. She laughs and thinks to herself about college level math, theory, how that'll throw him for a loop if he follows this passion but he's got to wrap his mind around remainders first. He keeps erasing and starting over figuring he's done it wrong, he's worn holes in the page, and he won't listen when she tells him that his answers are correct. He's upset with his father, about his father, torn between childish worry and anger because his father is going to leave him just like his mother did.

“As soon as you finish we can go see your dad..” she offers with some hope, but it seems to make him more anxious and he erases furiously again at the third time he's gotten the problem correct. His teacher called while Jess was on her lunch break earlier that day to let her know she was worried about the sudden change in Jack's demeanor and ask if there was anything concerning happening at home, and Jess took her short break to wander outside with a cigarette and divulge information Aaron would never want her to share. It felt good to say it to someone, to include someone else, even if just for a moment. Maybe shouldn't have, but knowing that there was one other person who could help Jack lifted a weight on her chest, she could breathe again, indulge her own fear. He's got a long recovery ahead of him, she told his teacher, and Jack might need to take a few days off when he's released in order to help them all settle. As much as she helps, it really is just the two of them.

He finishes most of his homework without any real hurry, shoves it all into his backpack and agrees to go with to see his father, take the rest with him so they don't miss visiting hours. He doesn't want to go, doesn't want to see him in the hospital again, doesn't even want to know what happened. The feeling of betrayal is too strong and he hates that he feels this way, doesn't want his dad to know.

They take him a milkshake, it's about all he can keep down right now. She's been bringing them by a few times a day, stocking his freezer with ice cream at home...she doesn't care so much about whether it's healthy, she'll give him anything he wants in order to see him take in calories. Jack curls up in the corner beneath the doctor's table with his headphones on, barely even looked at his father when he walked in, and pulls out his piles of homework. He focuses hard on it in order not to think about where he is, smell the antiseptic sharp tang of the hospital room. Jess takes a seat on the bed beside him, she's not going to pretend she cares about decorum, she's at her wits end and worried sick.

��He's upset with me,” Aaron whispers, nodding toward Jack and Jess shrugs listlessly. Yeah, she thinks, of course he is. But she won't say that, he's so fragile, so pale.

“He's just scared. It'll pass.”

“And you?” He's weak and unsure, can't hide it in his voice.

“Me what? Am I upset with you? Aaron...” She wants to scold him. She's not a child, she's not upset with him for being sick no matter what faulty logic he might subscribe to. No matter how many symptoms he ignored, no matter what he didn't say – he had his right to privacy and no, she isn't upset. She's scared because her best friend, her brother, nearly died and she was powerless. She'd just spoken to him, heard his voice and he sounded fine, that was the worst part. He sounded fine, she would take the sound of his voice with her for weeks, desperately trying to figure out if she could have known, picked up on any indication...because minutes later he was dying...they'd both missed it. And then to add to it, she can't figure out how to fix things for him and Jack, is worried about him coming home, worried about their relationship. He'll need help around the house and she can move in with them, she will move in with them to help, but she can't mend what is quietly breaking.

His eyelids are heavy, there's a quiet sickness hovering just beneath the surface. It's the cocktail of pain medications and fluids, he lets himself sink heavy into the pillows and closes his eyes just for the relief it brings. It takes so much energy to stay awake right now.

“I just want you home,” she whispers, letting her hand settle over his. She feels his fingers twitch, knows he's asleep already. His breathing is shallow, eyebrows knit together like he knows there is pain even if he doesn't really register it, he knows it is with him and will catch up to him in due time. She can't bear it so she touches him, brings his knuckles to her lips and dusts feather light kisses along their bony ridges while she watches Jack furiously erase his work over and over again.

[trailshome]

hey clam!! it is i, spice anon, back from the dead to say hello and what would the ROs do if they were in an orpheus/eurydice situation? who would look back, and who wouldnt? ive seen this get asked around and it seemed pretty interesting!! anyway so much has happened since the last time i talked here!! me & my mom got shoes for the dresses (somehow i ended up with some small heels?? they look really nice tho!), my brother got to know the gender of his baby, the wedding is coming up soon and im so excited!! sigh anyway we got a new stove put in and we had lasagna for the first time in like a year...fun fact i used to hate ricotta cheese. everything about it would literally make me gag, from the smell to the taste to the texture it was just urgh but now i can eat it?? im not sure how this happened but hey im not complaining haha!!!

—spice!! [realized i forgot to say the babys gender. its a boy!! his name is charlie & in the ultrasound pictures(?) he made the most demonic face while waving!! we like to think he was celebrating halloween too :) adhsjk anyway last night i wrote So Much. i havent written like that in a while but it was so nice...like i got over 1600 words lmao i was so focused on it!! anyway how are you?? i havent sent in an ask in like!! over a week!! i kinda missed it too lol! anyway this is getting pretty long so ill end it here!! i hope you have a great day/night haha!! <3]

//Heya, Spice!! I'm doing... not awful, but sadly, I have a kidney infection that caused quite a bit of chaos last night but I'm feeling better now!! Also that's so exciting!! ahh!! a baby!! I love that he waved at you while making a face, that's honestly adorable (and a smidge scary) <3 and congrats on the writing!! You're doing amazing, Spice!! Keep at it!!

Finlay:

'Don't look back, don't look back, don't look back--' They try so desperately to just look forward, to just get out and leave, but it's hard and it fills Finlay's head with questions, fears, worries... They wish they could reach back, take their lover's hands in theirs, pretend that everything is okay and will be okay. But it won't because they look back, tempted by the sharp inhale behind them and the worries that plague their own mind. They fall to their knees, watching, staring into the dark void around them... and then stands and re-enters the land of the dead. 'For them. For us.'

Lesilfae:

He has no doubts that they are behind him. He knows it by the gentle footsteps, the delicate breathes, and the light huffs of weary sighs. He makes it out and, once free, takes his love into his arms. He apologizes for not checking on them but he knows they understand. They know why he didn't look back, didn't reach back, didn't talk back. He wanted to make sure. He wanted to guarantee that they would leave the land of the dead with him, to continue their lives another day together. He'd rather risk momentary pain that the long, agonizing pangs of loss.

Galeon & Hollond:

Tempted, he's tempted. He wants to look back, to make sure that not only is Hollond by his side, but that their other love is too. But no, no... Hollond grasps his hand, small, thin fingers digging into his flesh as they stifle anxious sobs with whispered whimpers. He knows they want to look back too, but the risk is too great. They've always been stubborn, quick to complete things to a T. The lovers make it out and, as the sunlight touches them and enfolds their lover, they collapse. Taking them into their arms, sobbing, muttering, hoping to have the rest of forever together.

Greta:

She looks back. She... she thought they had tripped, she thought they had fallen -- why was she punished for caring? She looks back into the depths of death, heart sinking as tears flood her wide, round eyes. No. She... she can't lose them. She was so close. So damn close to spending the rest of her life with them again. She wants to break down, to lay there until she can rejoin her love in the lands of the dead but no. Not yet. One more try. She'll fight the Dead God for another chance to take them back home. She'll kill the already killed who would try to stop her. They'll see each other again, one way or another.

[im-pok]

Just for fun (and to make these easier to find) I have made a compilation of JSRF quotes!

I did find the quotes from this video by RisingSonic17 on YouTube. I do suggest watching it as it gives more context to the lines:

Keep in mind that some interactions may be missing, as I have never played JSRF and may be unaware of some interactions. Characters and their quotes appear in chronological order according to the video.

Corn:

"This is the GG's Garage. Hey, where's our pizza? Huh? You're not the pizza guy? Oh, you're here to join the GG's, eh? Heh... Tell you what. Find Gum. She's the one you wanna talk to. Just get close to her and pull the 'Right Trigger'. Got it?"

"Why don't you talk to her now?"

"Now, just 'cause you're new don't mean you can act like a big baby. The police are tightening up here, especially since the Rokkaku took over the police force. I know we look crazy 'n all, but even we know to pick our fights. So don't mess things up for the rest of us, got it?"

"Roboy's training changes as your skill level changes, so be on the lookout."

"I had a feeling Poison Jam would have their hideout in the sewers beneath Rokkaku-dai Heights. This is it... looks like the time to throw down has finally come."

"Man, those Poison Jam freaks are out of control. I say we start on Chuo Street and cover everything to Rokkaku-dai Heights and 99th Street in our graffiti. Chuo Street is probably the best place to start."

"Roboy told you, right? If you find a Mystery Tape, you gotta check the GG-notebook. It'll tell you where to find the Graffiti Souls in the area."

"Where the hell is Yoyo? Maybe he freaked out and skipped town? I'm sure he's alright. But we gotta take care of those Immortals. They've been walkin' around like they own the place. We gotta go and cover up all their graffiti."

"I'll send those Immortals back to the grave as many times as I need to!"

"We'll stop those Noise Tanks!"

Gum:

"Poison Jam knows something about Yoyo. I know they do."

"Damn! Punk, I'll get you for that!"

"The fortified residential zone... that's deep in the ghetto. And it could be the fake one again..."

"Here they come. The crazies from the Golden Rhinos. Concentrate, and watch your back. These guys ain't no joke."

"We gotta protect the streets. That's not a choice. We can't let these fools just waltz in and take over."

"The real enemy is your own fear. Remember that."

"So you're the cat that wants to join us, huh? I don't know where you're from, but the streets are tough. Real tough. Let's see what you're made of. We'll start you off nice and slow. Let's see how much air you can grab. Press the "A Button" to jump."

"Dogenzaka Hill is GG territory. I heard there's some headphone wearin' freak creepin' up here. If I could just find him, I'd show him what's up...."

"You can do it, can't you?"

"There are a couple of places in Shibuya Terminal where you can get on the roof of some buildings. You can get there by jumping from a Grind. You should check it out. Who knows what you'll find up there? When you're looking for something, the best place to start is the Map. You can see it by pressing the START button."

"The area of 99th Street is built around a tower that has a bunch of places to Grind. Definitely check that place out. There are also telephone poles to Grind and billboards to Wallride... the most important thing is to just try everything out. Oh, and don't forget to check the map by pressing the START button. That should give you some helpful hints"

"We actually found Roboy in a dumpster. Corn fixed him up real nice."

"I've been lost in the severs before. Its kinda crazy in there, but as long as you keep moving up, you'll be ok."

"Yoyo just can't chill and stay out, can he? He'll be back soon, I'm sure. I heard the Immortals hang out in the skyscraper district or something..."

"Actually, they say Roboy is actually a Noise Tank prototype. Don't tell him that though, ok? We don't wanna make him cry or nothin'. In any case, we're gonna get those damn Noise Tanks."

Yoyo:

"Those tracks should connect Sky Dinosaurian Square to the edge of the skyscraper district..."

"I hear that Poison Jam's woman leader has been showin' her face in town."

"Man, the Rhinos gotta be pissed off!"

"Shibuya Terminal is in a state of panic. I really wanna stay out of this, but we gotta go over there and take care of business."

"Don't use your eyes. Just try to feel it, ya know?"

"Graffiti has the power to wake up the energy that's asleep in the streets of Tokyo. The Rokkaku Group... the police... they don't know what's up. So let's just cover this whole place in art, yo."

"Yo, you know that dude Hayashi from the Rokkaku police force? That guy is one messed up dude. He's a complete psycho. Watch out for him."

"I heard through the grapevine that some weird-lookin' girl's been hangin' out at Rokkaku-dai Heights."

"So you think Poison Jam is after us?"

"We gotta get the Doganzaka Hill goddess statue that Poison Jam took. We better hurry, or things are gonna get real ugly."

Beat:

"Anything go down while I was gone?"

"I've always thought that thing in Shibuya Terminal was nasty lookin' anyway! Let's do a little redecoration."

"Sometimes, you just gotta get moving or else nothin's gonna get done, yo.

"Hey, I've heard of you. You're one of the GG's, huh? Tell you what... I'll race you. If I can beat you in a race around Doganzaka Hill, then this place belongs to me. Got it?"

"Hope you won't regret that."

"Shibuya Terminal? Now that you mention it, there was this huge guy wandering around there... And fishy graffiti? That sounds familiar, but I didn't really look close enough to see if the graffiti that the fool was paintin' actually looked like a fish or nothin'."

"Hey. Is it true Poison Jam used to cause trouble in Chuo Street under a different name?"

"Rapid 99 of 99th Street. They don't show their faces in public very often. Some say Rapid 99 and Poison Jam are sworn enemies because something big went down a while back. I don't know the details, though. A friend of mine told me that the girls in Rapid 99 are real lookers. I just think he was too scared of 'em to say otherwise. In any case, it ain't gonna be easy to find 'em."

"You meet Rapid 99 yet?"

"Noise Tanks? Never heard of 'em. But we gotta find Yoyo. I'll go through the sewers and check out Kiboganoka Hill."

"Those Immortals really get on my nerves..."

"Crazy stuff is going down all over town! Looks like it's time for a little clean up... GG's style!"

Combo:

"Time to get serious."

"This kid's kinda funny."

"This time we should be able to tell if it's the real one or the fake Yoyo just by talkin' to him, right?"

"That crazy guy?! What're you talkin' about? He looks nothing like me. Besides, we don't got time to deal with that fool. Remember? The Golden Rhinos??"

"Well, they told us to come. Don't look like we got any choice."

"There are some things that you can only feel when you're out in the streets, you know?"

"What's this?! Who's been sprayin' these ugly tags on my turf?! Hmph. I'm guessin' it was you... Its on! If you loose, you're gonna be answerin' to me from now on, punk!"

"You think you can do this too? Let's see it!"

"Man, you're not all that. Here, I'll show you one more time."

"The deep end of the sewers is closed off because it's contaminated. At least, that's what I heard..."

"Hey, why you gotta go out and get a dog?! There's only one thing I hate more than dogs, and that's goldfish."

"I heard Rapid 99 used to run under a leader named Cube..."

"Thing that ticks me off most is, the Immortals ain't worth all this talk and trouble. I wonder if they got somethin' to do with Yoyo's disappearance?"

"There's a bunch of real big guys with real big attitudes causin' a big scene over on Highway Zero. Maybe they might know something about the Noise Tanks. Man, where the hell is Yoyo?!"

Rynth:

"What is UP with Yoyo, anyway?!"

"Hey, Graffiti Souls are a big commodity, right?"

"I don't care if it's a golden rhino or a blue hippo, I'll send 'em right back to the zoo where they belong."

"What's their master plan? I mean, the Golden Rhinos don't seem like their just out here to run the streets, you know what I'm sayin'?" (This quote was spelled like this in game. From my knowledge it should be "they're just out here...")

"Here comes Gouji. Let's end this."

"Did you get all the Graffiti Souls? We still got a full laundry list of things to take care of, you know."

"Hehehe... So this is your hideout."

"Poison Jam are... kinda cute!"

"Is it just me, or does Captain Hayashi not look like he eats his breakfast?"

Poison Jam:

"I don't think Yoyo's that kind of a person."

"I think hes hiding something."

"This feels like a trap. Be careful."

"Someone's after DJ-K?! You sure about that?!"

"Gouji Rokkaku is kinda interesting. But, I think he went a little too far this time..."

"I love everything about Tokyo... even the things I hate."

"Hur hur hur. You want to get rid of us, don't you? Nothing in life is free. You gotta work for it. Beat us in this race and we won't mess with you anymore."

"Har har har!! I told ya'll you were a bunch of wussies!"

Rapid 99:

"ghahah! Next thing you know, you will be all crying like a baby."

"If you can win a flag battle against us, I'll tell you where Poison Jam' s hideout is."

"Suit yourself."

Garam:

"I won't hold back."

"Hey. Keep it real."

"There's this lightning-quick girl over at Kiboganoka Hill. Dunno if she's still there. But man, I gotta say, I'm really trippin' out over Yoyo missin' and all."

"When it comes down to it, the Immortals are just dried up mummies, man. I bet they all nasty under those bandages."

Boogie:

"The Noise Tanks might look strong, but they're like cheap action figures! Just run into them and they fall apart! Oh yeah, that girl from the stadium... I heard she's been lookin' for us. You seen her yet?"

"Aww man..."

"The fortified residential zone... it's directly attached to the underground sewers. Man. I don't like that place at all."

"Is that dude in black even human? My heart's pounding... I don't know why."

"You're never as good as you can be! Don't slack off!"

"Y'all are crazy!"

Jazz:

"This doesn't look good."

"Alright. Stay cool."

"Yeah.... we were a little too laid back this time, I think."

"The fortified residential zone... hey, why don't we pick numbers to decide who goes?"

"It's about time the Rhinos brought things up a notch. We better be ready to get real serious too."

"What the hell IS that big thing, anyway? But, you better watch out for that fool in black..."

"If you get a "Jet" in the Trials, you can even use people who aren't here to take out into the streets."

"You're one of the GG's, right? Then tell this fool that they got the wrong girl! They think I'm one of you guys! So, they dragged me out here and looked what's happened to me!!"

"Hurry up! Tell him that I'm not a GG!!"

Noise Tanks:

"Hey, you're that GG that helped me out! Thanks for that man. Say... there's something that I've been wondering since then. You wanna find out who's the fastest? I KNOW I can beat you. Let's give it a shot!"

"Alright. Fine. See ya."

"I'll get 'em good no matter what!"

"The more worked up we get about this, the harder it'll be to find what we're lookin' for."

"There's somethin' not right about the way the Golden Rhino's are actin'."

"Why are those Golden Rhinos going after the Radio station? Well, make sure to be on the lookout for Captain Psychopath."

"We gotta save DJ-K! I can't stand listening to this music anymore!"

"If this town could talk, what poetry it would speak..."

"Ready?"

"Practice all you want, it will not make a difference."

"It is not over yet. Prepare yourselves."

"Heh... Go on. Fight!"

"Are you ready?"

Special interactions:

"Sometimes it just doesn't matter how much you practice."

Slate:

"Dude. I'm bored. Entertain me."

"Hmph. What a bore."

"My sources tell me that the Noise Tanks and the Rokkaku Group are in this together. Be careful."

"So is that Clutch guy in with Rokkaku too? Or is he just a little punk?"

"I'm about ready."

"The Golden Rhinos are really startin' to get on my nerves..."

"I got better things to do than play house with Gouji Rokkaku, but man, that big ugly thing has GOT to go."

"Graffiti Souls' sole purpose is to be sought out."

Clutch:

"You're looking for that kid, Yoyo, right? Tell ya what, if you go out and get some Graffiti Soul points... Hey! Wait a sec, you've already got quite a few. Lemme see those... Sucka! Thanks for the Graffiti Souls! See ya around!"

"Hah, hah! I look forward to it!"

"I dunno, but I just don't get what's going on here. Heh..."

"This Gouji Rokkaku dude is pretty funny!"

"Haaaahaha! Tokyo ain't half bad!"

Cube:

"If you can beat me at my own game, I'll leave you alone."

"Suit yourself."

"The fortified residential zone... Unless you're absolutely sure of your skills, you should stay away from that place."

"I've dealt with the Golden Rhinos once before. If you don't take them seriously, you're as good as dead."

"I can't stand even looking at that thing. Its just so... so... damn ugly!"

"Yeah. You just have to try everything with an open mind."

Beat to Corn:

"So you're the leader of the GG's? Heh... How's this sound? If I beat you in a race around Doganzaka Hill, you and your buddies have to answer to me from now on. If you beat me... well, we'll just see when it happens."

"Huuuh? You're so boooring..."

Talking to Beat in the garage before fighting the police:

"Anyway, I'm ready to rock. But what's up with that pooch, eh? Where did ya pick him up? You sure that's not the leader in disguise? Heh heh. Its only a matter of time before I become the leader of the GG's anyway."

Combo to Gum:

"What's this?! Who's been sprayin' these ugly tags on my turf?! Hmph. Was it you, princess? You've been a bad, bad girl. You've better hit me with everything you've got, 'cause I ain't gonna hold back just because you're a girl!!"

"The cue tone get you all jumpy?"

"You liked that, eh? I'll do it again for you."

Yoyo to Rynth:

"You're... like... you know... yo."

"Where'd you come from?"

Gum to Rynth:

Rynth to Beat:

"Cool. Welcome aboard."

"You kinda... smell weird."

Garam to Boogie:

"Hey. I'm next in command around here, little lady. The name's Garam,"

Combo to Boogie:

"This group is growing bigger every day. Fool just dig me, I guess."

Gum to Boogie:

"So you're the one from Kiboganoka Hill, huh? Well, this is the GG's. What you see is what you get. Just be yourself, you'll be cool."

Garam to Jazz:

"Well, um... I... uh... be cool."

"That freak who's been making all those weird tags... you think he's connected with the Golden Rhinos somehow?"

Boogie to Garam:

"Alright. Stay cool."

Jazz to Garam:

"I feel ya, but I think you should try to chill a bit. Keep it together."

Corn to Clutch:

"What a fool. But the fortified residential zone... that's deep in the ghetto. And it could be the fake one again..."

Jazz to Clutch:

"Don't push your luck."

Beat to Clutch:

"You just wanted some attention from us, right? Aww..."

Combo to Clutch:

"Man, you're such a jerk I almost like you."

Garam to Clutch:

"One of these days, I'll get you one-on-one! Just you and me, fool!"

Boogie to Clutch:

"Fine. I'll let you off just this once."

Slate to Clutch:

"Heh... Stay outta trouble."

Corn to Yoyo:

"Long time no see, bro."

Clutch to Yoyo:

"So you're that Yoyo guy, huh? Heh..."

Jazz to Yoyo:

"So, you're the real deal, huh? 'Sup. I'm Jazz."

Combo to Yoyo:

"You gonna go and try to get back into shape, huh?'

Garam to Yoyo:

"Heh... I caused enough havoc for the both of us while you were gone, bro."

Rynth to Yoyo:

"The most unbelievable stuff was happening while you were gone! Hehehe..."

Yoyo to Slate:

"Hey, sorry about all that, yo. My bad. But thanks to those fools, I'm all out of shape now. Maybe I'll go out and cause a little havoc to warm up, yo."

Yoyo to Jazz:

"Man, things have sure gotten busier sice I was last here?"

Gum to Beat:

"That fool dressed in black who's been hanging around Chuo Street... now that I think about it, you guys kinda look alike."

Clutch to Beat:

"In times like this, you won't fall as long as you look where you're going. Heh heh."

Garam to Beat:

"Hey, you know that guy everyone's been saying looks like you? Well, is it you?"

There is some cutscene dialogue missing from these lines. If I can find all the cutscenes, then I'll be sure to add them.

[iceslushii]

So, I'm writing this to document what I can only assume is my sudden descent into insanity. I can't possibly be THAT bad a navigator, and yet as I write this I've been trapped in Ikea for 2 days. I haven't seen another person in the entire time I've been here. I thought it was a prank at first. Turn the place into a maze, get all the people out and see how long it takes me to get lost, then everyone has a good old laugh. Realised that wasn't the case when I tried to backtrack. Everything had changed, so I ended up lost. Instead of the exit, it was just row after row of bookcases.

So, I'm trapped in Ikea. Sounds like the setup for a bad joke. The lights went out at 10pm. Nearly gave me a fucking heart attack, that loud electrical THUNK sound and then pitch blackness. Place is full of beds though and my phone has a torch on it - but no damn signal - so I found a bed and went to sleep. Spent most of the next day trying to find my way out with no luck. Did find a restaurant serving those meatballs though, so at least I won't starve. That's probably the punchline to that joke. Anyway they were still warm and fresh, but I haven't seen anyone around who could have cooked them. Made my way back to the beds before the lights cut out again since it's too dark to search with them off.

It's 9.10am now, the lights came back on a little while ago. I'm sure I've searched the entire area around where I came in now and the exit obviously isn't here, so I'm going to pick a direction and hope for the best.

Day 3 of my magical Ikea mystery adventure. If I wasn't sure that there was something seriously weird about this place before, I am now. Walked for 3 hours in a more or less straight line (insert Ikea joke here) before I came across a ladder next to one of those huge stock shelves they have here. Climbed up to get my bearings, and it looks like this place just stretches on forever. Like that scene from the Lion King, except instead of trees and grass it was all shelves and tables and crap. I did see a person moving not too far away though, so I headed over.

Thought it was a staff member at first - it was wearing the uniform. And hell maybe it was, maybe freakish 7ft tall monsters with long arms, short legs and no faces are just the kinds of thing they want working at Super Ikea. Damn thing completely ignored me though, and with no eyes or ears I can't even be sure it knew I was there. Thought about shoving it or something to get its attention, but its hands were big enough to crush a water melon so I decided against it. It just kept moving along and eventually I lost sight of it so I decided to carry on the way I was going.

Anyway, no comfy bed for me tonight. Looks like I've entered the Improbably Hard and Pointy Table section of the store. Guess I'll have to make do with some bunched up tablecloths. Phone battery died during the day too. Didn't work anyway, but I feel like I've just lost some vital lifeline.

You ever see one of those cartoons where they're going through doors in a hallway and they just pop out of another door in the same hallway? That's how I feel right now. I've seen nothing but the same identical bookshelf for 2 days now. Just row after row after row of them. I mean, come on. I love books as much as the next guy, but this is excessive. I'm obviously still moving forwards though, I can see the signs hanging overhead passing by. Too bad none of them say "Exit".

Not sure who I was addressing that question to. Lets just say it was practice for the autobiography I'm going to write when I get out of here. I'll call it "My perfectly normal trip to a regular old Ikea".

If I ever get out o

Finally found some other people! Yeah, turns out I'm not the only poor bastard trapped in here. Lucky for me, I guess. My 6th night here, 2 of those staff things came at me in the dark. Different from the first one I saw, but still messed up. Heard them coming, they were saying that the store was closed and I had to leave the building, all nice and polite like. I'm not sure which part of that was weirder, that they don't have mouths or that they were apparently trying to kill me while they were saying it. Came at me like rabid dogs.

So, I legged it. Sprinting through ikea in the dark like a fucking madman. I saw it when I cleared another stand of those giant stock shelves, all lit up with torches and floodlights. They've built a whole town in here! Got a massive wall built out of shelves and beds and tables and whatever else. I swear to god it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Anyway I guess they saw me coming (or maybe they heard my girlish manly bellows of fear), because they had a gate open and 2 people were there waving me in. Heard the staff things slam into the gate behind me after it closed, still politely informing us all that the store was now closed. They wandered off eventually though.

They call the town Exchange, because that's whats on the sign hanging from the ceiling directly above it. Exchange and Returns. All lit up against the night using lights they've found and plugged into the power lines. And there are beds and food and people. Over 50 wonderful people with regular sized limbs and a full set of facial features. It's now my 7th night here, and the first one not spent in darkness. A full week living in Ikea. There's probably a TV show in that somewhere.

Now that I'm around other people, I'm starting to feel more normal. Maybe normal isn't the word. But after a week with only the sound of my own footsteps for company, I was becoming increasingly sure that I'd just gone nuts. That I was tied up in some padded room somewhere, banging my head against the wall. But no, I feel quite sane now, thank you very much!

Apparently there are other towns out there. Some with more people, some with less. I found that fairly mind-boggling - how can that many people go missing with no one noticing. Surely someone would have noticed that everyone who goes to ikea seems to fucking vanish. Or maybe it's not everyone. Maybe we're just the lucky ones.

The people here just call those staff monster things the Staff. Apparently they are fine during the day, minding their own business walking the aisles. As soon as those lights go out though, they go fucking bonkers. So during the day people go out to find food, water and whatever else they need. Apparently there are restaurants and shops around that randomly get restocked. No one knows how. Maybe the staff do it. Apparently they aren't very good at their jobs though because the restocking sometimes takes a while, which means the food needs to be rationed. Maybe if they weren't so busy chasing people around in the dark they'd get more done.

Anyway when night comes the staff go nuts and everyone holds up inside the walls. Apparently it's the same everywhere in this place, whatever this place is. The Ur-Ikea, from whence all other Ikeas sprang. Or maybe we're all still just in the regular ikea and this is all some fever dream brought on by mind-numbing boredom. Who knows.

Been here for 10 days now. Most of the people I asked said they stopped keeping track a long time ago and one guy, Chris, said he'd been in here for years.

Years.

[ILLEGIBLE SCRIBBLES]

Apparently there are rumours of people who do manage to get out. And of people who see the exit, only to have it vanish before their very eyes. I get the feeling not everyone believes that, but I do. Explains how we got stuck in here in the first place (sort of). And I mean, come on. Staff monsters, row after endless row of high quality Swedish furniture. I don't know why they would find a disappearing door so hard to believe in.

Anyway, I went out scavenging for food at a nearby shop with Sandra and Jerry today. Once you learn the landmarks of this place it's not so hard to navigate. The overhead signs help a lot, but there are others; not too far in the distance a huge section of those giant stock shelves has collapsed against each other and way off in the east (we all assume it's east anyway - apparently Ikea doesn't sell compasses) is some kind of tower that looks like its made of wood, reaches all the way to the ceiling. Maybe they were trying to break out through the roof. Lights up at night so there must be people there, but its apparently a few days walk (which means it must be miles away) so no one here really knows for sure. Apparently I got incredibly lucky sleeping out in the open for a week without getting ripped to bits by the staff. That's me. Lucky lucky lucky.

We found some food in the shop. Guess the staff restocked it during the night, which was nice of them. There was a telephone on the wall, so I figured I'd try it out. There was a voice on the other end, but they were just talking nonsense. Random words strung together with no real meaning. You ever see a video of someone with aphasia? Kind of sounded like that. Didn't answer me when I spoke to them anyway. Sandra says all the phones in here are the same.

Oops, asking the journal questions again!

I was thinking last night. The ceiling on this place is pretty high and as far as anyone can tell it goes on forever. Shouldn't there be some kind of weather in here? I'm sure I read about some NASA building that was so big it had its own weather patterns, with clouds and stuff. This place is definitely bigger than that, but now that I think about it I'm pretty sure I've never felt so much as a temperature change in here.

I'll add it to the Grand List of Weird Bullshit.

The staff attacked the Exchange last night. Must have been 20 or 30 of them all just asking us to leave the store calm as you like, while trying to smash the walls down with their bare hands. Apparently this happens pretty regularly, so everyone is prepared for it. Knives from the restaurants, lawn mower blades made into hatchets, a fire axe. One guy, Wasim, even made a functional crossbow. Anyway the walls have holes in them, which I hadn't noticed before, specifically so we can stab out at the staff when they attack. Took a couple of them down myself. They don't seem to bleed, which is weird, but they go down as easy as a regular person once you start sticking holes in them.

We had to haul the bodies away in the morning. Apparently the dead ones will attract more during the night, so we had to get them away from Exchange. We have a couple of those trolley things they use to move big boxes around, so we loaded them up and took them over to Pickup. Apparently people just name everything in here after whatever sign is hanging overhead.

Pickup was grisly. There were hundreds, maybe thousands of dead staff all piled up. There was no smell, which was a blessing. Apparently in addition to not bleeding, these things don't rot either. My curiosity got the better of me while we were unloading them, so I took a look at one of the more cut-up ones. They're just skin, or something that looks like skin, all the way through. No muscle, no bone, no organs. Are they even really alive in the first place? They certainly seem like they have bones when they are moving around, pounding on the walls. And I'm sure I felt more resistance than just skin when the knife went in during the night. Maybe something happens to them when they die. Just one more thing on the ever-increasing list of Weird Shit that goes on in here, I guess.

Something occurred to me, after the staff attack the other night. Every time you see a situation like this on TV or in a film, like its the end of the world or everyone is trapped on an island or whatever, once groups like ours start to form people always seem to turn on each other. Fighting for food or dominance or whatever else. That hasn't happened here. Apparently people from other towns come by from time to time, just to check in or occasionally to trade if they are short on something. But everything is always cordial. Friendly, even. Maybe its the threat of the staff, or perhaps the constant restocking of supplies in the shops means there's nothing much to fight over.

Maybe people are just better than they are generally given credit for. That's a nice thought. I think I'll go with that one.

A dozen people showed up at the gates this afternoon from a town called Trolleys. Apparently the staff broke through the walls and tore the town apart during the night. These 12 are the only survivors out of over a hundred. We let them in, obviously. One more point in the human decency column. Later, I asked if anyone knew how many of these towns there were out there. Between us and the new folks, we managed to come up with over 20 names. 20 towns filled with people, and who knows how many beyond that.

The motto for this place should be "How Is That Even Possible". Surely someone, somewhere must be looking for the thousands of people that must be in here.

I've been here for a little over 2 months now. Not that much changes, as it turns out. A couple of new people showed up, same story as the rest of us. Nice little trip to Ikea and suddenly they're trapped in Billy Bookcase's House of Faceless Weirdos. The staff attack the Exchange once or twice a week. We kill them and haul their bodies off, sometimes they hurt some of us first. They killed a guy called Jared a couple of weeks back. It was awful, frankly. Turns out regular humans still bleed in here, even if the staff don't. We tried our best, but none of us are doctors.

Jared was a good guy. He deserved better. We all do.

It occurred to me a couple of days after that, none of us were really looking for a way out of here. I don't even know where we'd start.

One of those quad copter things with a camera attached buzzed passed Exchange today. I thought it meant that someone was finally looking for us, that help was on the way. Apparently it's not the first time this has happened, though. Same thing happened a few months ago, and everyone is still here.

No idea if it saw us, it didn't stop if it did. Just kept flying until we could no longer see it.

Note: Based on recovery time of the journal, this entry appears to line up approximately with our first successful test piloting a drone inside SCP-3008-1. Analysis of footage shows a walled settlement under a sign labelled "Exchange and Returns". Attempts to relocate the settlement failed. Origin of previously sighted drones is unknown.

I started talking to people about the stuff they miss from home during dinner today. Probably not the best idea I've ever had, everyone seemed pretty down after. A bunch of people here have families. Husbands and wives, kids. Dogs. Franklin apparently has a pet llama, though I'm not sure I buy that.

But apparently some of the people here have some seriously odd gaps in their knowledge. 3 of them had never heard of the International Space Station, 2 of them seemed to think █████ ███████ was the Prime Minister, and one of them had apparently never heard of the Statue of Liberty. I believe them, too. They seemed just as confused as the rest of us.

The more I thought about it though, the more it started to explain a few things. What if the reason no one is looking for all us missing people is because we haven't all come from the same place. This is going to sound weird (maybe that should be the motto for this place) but what if all the people here have come from different dimensions? Realities? Whatever you call it. I've seen enough TV shows to know the drill. Sarah comes from a place where there is no Statue of Liberty. They didn't launch a space station where Wasim is from. If everyone here came from different places, even from ones that seem identical, there'd be no huge missing persons panic. No mass search. We'd just be a blip, a single missing person in a world of non-stop news.

Well. That was a fun train of thought.

Just realised that yesterday was the six month anniversary of my arrival here. I wonder if Ikea sells party hats. The routine around here has remained more or less the same. More new folk show up, one every couple of weeks or so. Food supplies go up and down, but we've never actually had a major shortage. Occasionally we get a visitor from one of the nearby towns, usually Checkouts or Aisle 630. We check in with each other from time to time, occasionally trade supplies if someone gets particularly low on something. It's comforting, in a way. A reminder that we aren't alone in here, some small glimmer of civilisation. Sometimes they bring medical supplies. Apparently there's a pharmacy a few towns down from Checkouts that gets restocked every now and then, so they share out what they can. I've never heard of an Ikea with a pharmacy before but at this point I wouldn't be surprised if someone stumbled on an Ikea Organ Harvesting Lab. Would certainly explain the staff.

Speaking of our faceless jailers, their attacks have been getting worse lately. 3 or 4 times a week now, with twice as many staff as there used to be. No idea where they all come from, or why the attacks have increased. We tried following one of them during the day a few weeks ago, me and Sarah. Wanted to see if they lead back to a staff room or something. Didn't seem to go anywhere though, just randomly walked through the aisles. We had to turn back before we found anything.

We've been reinforcing the walls, trying to arm ourselves better. Certainly no lack of materials to use. Wasim has been making more crossbows, but it's pretty slow going.

Too bad Ikea doesn't sell guns.

Note: No new personnel have entered SCP-3008 at Site-██ in the time span indicated in this entry.

The attacks are getting bad now. Almost every night, and with so many staff that the bodies almost pile high enough for others to climb the walls. I think we're in real trouble here.

Exchange is

I think Exchange is done. We got hit pretty bad last night. Not many casualties, but the wall is wrecked. We finally figured out why the attacks had been escalating, too. A box of supplies had a chunk of one of the staff in there. No idea how it happened but apparently a piece of one will draw them as well as a full body. Too late now in any case, there's too many bodies for us to haul away and still have time to fix the wall before night. Candace has called a meeting. I suspect there will be talk of abandoning Exchange, maybe try and get shelter at Checkouts or something.

It's already getting late though. I don't think we'll have time to make it. Maybe some of us will. I was fine for that first week out in the dark, after all. But then, how often can I keep getting lucky.

I'm only writing this for a sense of closure, I guess. For me, or for anyone who finds this. If this is the final entry here, I hope whoever is reading this is doing so from outside of this place.

My biggest fear? If I do die tonight, I'll just wake up here again in the morning.

Note: This is the last entry. It is assumed that while attempting to reach the "Checkouts" settlement he was separated from the rest of his group by a pursuing SCP-3008-2 instance and happened upon the exit.

We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it Inside we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it And if you ask me how I'm feeling Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it Inside we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye

[babygirlkiki1016]

Caught

The Lynnwood Inn, which was our next stop. However after the Wendigo situation, Deans been treating me differently, he's been flirting with me. There's something up with him, I thought, was it because of the night in motel? Or the kiss after the Wendigo mission. I look over at him to notice there is a mostly empty plate in front of Dean, who is circling obituaries in a newspaper. An attractive waitress, whose nametag says Wendy, approaches.

"Can I get you anything else?" She asks mostly focusing on Dean. Dean looks up, sees the waitress then goes back to the news paper as Sam comes over and sits down.

"Just the check, please." Sam orders.

"Okay." And Wendy walks away.

"You know Dean I'm surprised you weren't flirting with the waitress." I say, Dean points to Wendy walking away, who's wearing short shorts.

"Well you see her, she's not my type."

"Dude every girl is your type." Sam laughs.

"Not every girl, I highly doubt-" I point to myself "-girls like me are his type."

"If you believe that then your wrong darling." He winks at me. "And the two of you are talking like I'm not here." Sam looks at me, then at Dean who hands him the newspaper.

"Here, take a look at this, I think I got one. Lake Manitoc, Wisconsin. Last week Sophie Carlton, eighteen, walks into the lake, doesn't walk out. Authorities dragged the water, nothing. Sophie Carlton is the third Lake Manitoc drowning this year. None of the other bodies were found either. They had a funeral two days ago."

"A funeral?" Sam asks.

"Yeah, it's weird, they buried an empty coffin. For, uh, closure or whatever."

"How is that closure? If the coffins empty then the body is still out there. Doesn't sound like closure at all."

"You have a point there Y/n, also your hair is green." Sam points out, I groan and pull up my hoodie to hide my hair while Sam takes more notes. "Back to the topic. People don't just disappear, Dean. Other people just stop looking for them."

"Something you want to say to me?" Dean growled.

"The trail for Dad. It's getting colder every day."

"Sam's right Dean, it seems like whereever we go he was never there-" Dean silences me with his the wave of his hand.

"So what are we supposed to do?"

"I don't know. Something. Anything." Sam huffs.

"You know what? I'm sick of this attitude. You don't think I wanna find Dad as much as you do?"

"Yeah, I know you do, it's just-"

"I'm the one that's been with him every single day for the past two years, while you've been off to college going to pep rallies. We will find Dad, but until then, we're gonna kill everything bad between here and there. Okay?" Sam rolls his eyes, making Dean walk out of the Inn, shaking his head in disappointment. We left the Inn a few hours later, and the three of us made our way to our next case. Sam was in the back sleeping, while me and Dean were in the front.

"....So...." Dean suddenly says, desperately trying to strike up a conversation. "Are we gonna talk about it?"

"....Talk about what?"

"The kiss."

"....What kiss?"

"The one you gave me a few days ago, after we saved Haley and her brothers. I know you wanted to kiss me but you decided against it." My heart started pounding, what was there to talk about? I had a bad feeling of how this was gonna go.

"Dean-"

"Y/n I....I want to ok? Your....You make me feel...." He glances over at me, then travels down to my hand that's resting in my thigh. He slowly grabs it, and squeezes like I'll disappear.

"I make you feel what?...." I say getting his attention again.

".....I don't know, but when I'm around you I have this sick like feeling-a good sick like feeling. I've never felt this way before...but sadly we can't your still a kid and if we were to, ya know."

"I understand."

"I will promise you this, when you turn eighteen, I'm gonna give you a kiss you'll never forget. And one after that, and one after that, and one after that." He smiles but doesn't let go of my hand, and neither do I. We sat there for hours, just enjoying each other's company, hoping that this moment would never end.

~

When we got to Wisconsin, we make our way up to the house that belong to the Carlton's. Dean knocks on the door and a man opens it.

"Will Carlton?" Dean asks.

"Yeah, that's right."

"I'm Agent Ford, this is Agent Hamill and Samson. We're with the US Wildlife Service." Dean holds up an ID, Will leads us around the house and I notice that a man is sitting on a bench on the dock.

"She was about a hundred yards out." Will says. "That's where she got dragged down."

"And you're sure she didn't just drown?" Dean asks.

"Yeah. She was a varsity swimmer. She practically grew up in that lake. She was as safe out there as she was in her own bathtub.

"So no splashing? No signs of distress?" I questioned.

"No, that's what I'm telling you."

"So she was just pulled down but never came back up? Like kind of a shark attack?"

"Yea..."

"Did you see any shadows in the water? Maybe some dark shape breach the surface?" Sam wondered.

"No. Again, she was really far out there."

"You ever see any strange tracks by the shoreline?" Dean says.

"No, never. Why? Why, what do you think's out there?"

"We'll let you know as soon as we do." As Dean heads back to the car Sam catches up to me.

"So, you and my brother huh?" He smirks.

"We're not together."

"Yet, that's right I heard your conversation." My cheeks begin to burn, and my hair turns purple.

"So you were pretend sleeping?" You could hear the fear in my voice.

"No I tried to sleep, I just happened to overhear how Dean is gonna give you a kiss you'll never forget, and one after that, and one after that-"

"Shut up!" I push him lightly with my cheeks burning, he laughs as I walk even faster. We get back in the car, the next stop was the police station. It was silent, but I could feel Sam looking between me and Dean from the back seat.

"Can I help you Sam?" Dean demanded.

"Nope." Sam said with a smile, he was thinking about me and Dean.

"You keep looking at me then at Y/n."

"He heard our conversation Dean." I confess, Dean smirks and looks back at his brother.

"Sam you sly dog!"

"What, it's not my fault you two are loud talkers."

"Oh that's bullshit! You didn't sleep cause you wanted to know if something was gonna happen!" I laugh.

"Well something did...cause when it's your birthday-"

"Shut up Sam!" Me and Dean yelled in chorus.

~

The station was small, but somewhat cozy. I looked around as Dean introduced us as the Wildlife Service.

"Now, I'm sorry, but why does the Wildlife Service care about an accidental drowning?" Jake Devin's, the sheriff asked.

"You sure it's accidental? Will Carlton saw something grab his sister." Sam replies and we follow the sheriff into his office.

"Like what?" Jake motions to chairs in front of his desk. "Here, sit, please. There are no indigenous carnivores in that lake." Sam sits down while Dean offers the other seat to me. I smile at the gesture and kiss his cheek before I sat down. "There's nothing even big enough to pull down a person, unless it was the Loch Ness Monster."

"Yeah." Dean chuckles and Sam glances over at him.

"Will Carlton was traumatized, and sometimes the mind plays tricks." Jake sits down and continues. "We dragged that entire lake. We even ran a sonar sweep, just to be sure, and there was nothing down there."

"That's weird, though, I mean, that's, that's the third missing body this year." I state. "There had to be something there, Sophie Carlton was a varsity swimmer. There's no way she drowned...."

"I know. These are people from my town. These are people I care about." The sheriff admits, he seemed sad, but yet had a somewhat guilty look on his face. "Anyway..." Jake sighs. "All this...it won't be a problem much longer."

"What do you mean?" Sam leaned forward, obviously interested.

"Well, the dam, of course."

"Of course, the dam. It's, uh, it sprung a leak." Dean says, trying to make the conversation less awkward.

"It's falling apart, and the feds won't give us the grant to repair it, so they've opened the spillway. In another six months, there won't be much of a lake. There won't be much of a town, either. But as Federal Wildlife, you already knew that."

"Exactly, sorry it's been a long week." I apologize as a young woman, taps on the door.

"Sorry, am I interrupting?" She asks, me and Sam stand up knowing that it's time to probably leave. "I can come back later."

"Gentlemen, this is my daughter." The Sherrif says and I hold out my hand to her.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Y/n." We shake hands.

"Andrea Barr, Hi." She greets.

"They're from the Wildlife Service. About the lake." Andrea's father explains.

"Oh." Then a boy, walks in around Andrea. "Oh, hey there. What's your name?" I ask, with a smile but he walks away without speaking and Andrea follows, we do the same.

"His name is Lucas." She says and gives him some crayons out of a box.

"Is he okay?" Sam worried.

"My grandson's been through a lot, we all have." Jake stands and goes to the office door. "Well, if there's anything else I can do for you, please let me know."

"Thanks. You know, now that you mentioned it, could you point us in the direction of a reasonably priced motel?" Dean asks.

"Lakefront Motel. Go around the corner. It's about two blocks south." Andrea comments. "I'm headed that way anyway. So I'll walk you there."

"I think we can find it just fine." I say, Sam looks at me and smirks, he knew. I was jealous, she nods with a frown on her face and turns to Jake. "I'll be back to pick up Lucas at three." She turns to Lucas. "We'll go to the park, okay, sweetie?" Andrea kisses him on the head.

"Thanks again." Sam smiles and we walk out the door, Andrea walks outside with us.

"So, cute kid." Dean comments.

"Thanks." She says, then points south. "Like I said, two blocks, that way."

"Thanks." Sam says and she smiles at Dean. "Must be hard, with your sense of direction, never being able to find you a good pick up line." And with that she leaves while calling back over her shoulder. "Enjoy your stay!" Sam slaps Deans shoulder "'Kids are the best'? You don't even like kids."

"I love kids." Dean looks at Sam like he's offended.

"Name three children that you even know."

"Y/n?" He wraps an arm around me, with a smile on his face thinking he won this argument.

"She's older than Lucas, she's not a little kid anymore."

"She acts like a kid."

"Seriously?! I'm right here!" I rant, Dean rubs my head but I push his hand away playfully.

"See? Your pouting, and your short to." He chuckles. "Anyways let's get to that motel, we have work to do."

~

As soon as we got our room I grabbed some clothes and instantly claimed the bathroom. Sam went to get some food for us so it was just me and Dean. It had been a while since I felt hot water run down my back, and damn did it feel good. Sadly I had to get out and go back to reality, when I exited the bathroom Dean was watching Dr. Sexy. I put my stuff down and settled next to Dean.

"So Dr. Sexy?" I asked, I could hear him hum in response. "Well that doctor is pretty hot."

"The girl or guy?"

"Both are good looking."

"Hm." I look over at him, he was staring at me.

"What?"

"Nothing...." He turns off the TV and sits on the edge of the bed, tiredly rubbing his face. I moved to his side, worried.

"Dean are you ok?" I put my hand on his, caressing it gently. He looks back at me, those eyes we're filled with...lust. He didn't take his eyes off of me. I scooted closer to him, making him blush at how close we were but he stayed focused on me.

"You know what?" He mutters.

"Hm?" I wondered, as he slowly got closer to me. "Screw it." Not even five seconds later he grabbed my waist and pulled me against him, smashing his lips against mine. I instantly kissed back, my hands traveling through his hair as he pulled me onto his lap. His rough lips went together with mine like a puzzle, he was kissing me with passion. This was it...our moment, the moment I had been waiting for. I tugged at his shirt, which he immediately took off, then his lips merged with mine once more. I could feel him smile, was he happy? Didn't he want to wait since I was to young? Who cares, who the hell cares right now, I focused my thoughts back on Dean who flipped us over. Now he was on top of me, kissing down my neck, making me moan.

"Dean?" Sam called out, making us both stop and slowly look over at him. He was holding our chinese food with a surprised look upon his features.

The New Hunter Masterlist

@samsgirl93 @nani-gram @eliwinchester99

[wanderingmind867]

All my Stressors regarding School:

After my visit to see my High School again today (which was stressful, but at least it gave me a hint as to what i'm doing), I'm now beginning to think more about returning to School on Thursday. But while I think about all of that, I think it'd be nice to make a giant note venting about all my stressors, so that I can try and get this all off my chest. So without further delay, here's some of the many things stressing me out about returning to school soon:

• The School looked different: Or at least I thought it looked different. The areas of the school me and my dad went to looked nothing like what I remembered, and that lead me to have a virtual meltdown outside the school. I know it was something like a meltdown because I yelled and hit my dad again. So that was very stressful. I'm trying to calm down from all of this now, but it's a very slow process (it's been at least an hour, and my mind still hasn't stopped reeling). I don't know if the school building actually was different, anyways. But I thought it looked different, and that did enough damage to my mental state.

• I've had Stomach Issues all summer: These confuse me and make me scared to go back to school. Since June, I've had bad stomach issues. Lately they've manifested as constipation, which leads to stomach pain whenever I inevitably have a blow out and clear my bowels. And with all of these stomach issues affecting me, I'm scared to go back to school. If my stomach acts up while I'm there, I don't know what I'll do. That's the really stressful thing. And that's one of the biggest reasons i've been getting in my own head about returning to school.

• I'm worried I won't have as much time to do stuff now: For example, take my tumblr account. I post on there fairly regularly, and I engage with it a lot. With me being stuck in school for full days now (discussed more down below), I worry I won't have as much time to post or do stuff online. And for some reason, that makes me feel bad. But it's impossible to tell anyone about this issue, because I never even told my dad I post on my tumblr account. So i'm suffering in silence on this one. And just to note, it's not just tumblr that i'm worried about here. I'm also worried I won't get to do more stuff, generally. But I'm choosing to focus on tumblr, because it feels like the biggest aspect of this fear.

• My phone's notes app doesn't work without internet anymore: This one. Oh, boy. This one has been messing me up since June, and it ended up giving me a second meltdown a little over 20-30 minutes ago (as of me writing this). My phone is old (I got it in 2019), and I've had the same notes app on it since that time. It's called notepad free, and I downloaded it from the google play store. It used to work perfectly at school. From 2019 to last may or june, it worked perfectly.

But then last may or june, it suddenly stopped working without internet. When I tried to use it at school (or literally anywhere that wasn't my home), the stupid thing would crash and stop working for me. So that's been making me nervous to go back to school. My dad downloaded the same app on a new phone he bought me, but it looks different there than it does on my old one (the one I wrote this on). And noticing that difference gave me my second meltdown of the day. Now I'm writing all of this from my bed, as I try to listen to music and destress while writing this.

• I have to be at School all day: This one also really stresses me out. And this one also needs more context to be provided for it to make sense. So let me explain: last year, I only went to school for half days. I got picked up by a van halfway through the day. I got used to that, and it provided a nice routine. With my stomach being so bad, I was really looking forward to having this as an option again.

But then the principal of the school talked to my dad. He said the school had budget cuts. And since I'm not in the ASD program anymore (since I technically already graduated), I've been cut off from having this service provided to me. So now I have to go to school for full days (from like 8 am to 2 pm), and I have to just get used to that. Even though I have my f***ing stomach issues. It's unfair. And this really, really stresses me out. I hate it.

• School wouldn't let us visit a week early, like we usually do: Yeah, this one made things way too stressful on me. If I'd gotten to see the school last week, maybe some of these issues could have been dealt with by now. But that option wasn't provided to me. Nope, instead I got stuck only getting to visit today (one day before school begins!). I understand the school was undergoing some construction, but not getting to visit the school until now made me feel really stressed. Finally, I want to stress how much I'm scared to have stomach issues at school: I don't want to have to go bathroom at school. That would be stressful, and it would probably make me uncomfortable enough to dash any and all hopes of going this semester. And I'm not talking about accidentally having some pee drip out into my underwear (if you'll forgive that mental image). That would be uncomfortable, but tolerable. It's needing to go bathroom in a more serious capacity that really scares me.

With all of these issues, sometimes you almost have to wonder if going to school would be worth it. Especially since the initial stress of going back might intensify my stomach pain. But I'm probably going to go back, anyways. The plan is to at least go Thursday, and see how things go. If it ends up going badly, then we go from there.

[mochikeiji]

Since We Were Seven

↠ Pairing: Bokuto Koutarou x Akaashi Keiji

↠ Warning: small mention of death, small angst but fluffy ending

↬ Word Count: 3,040

↣ a/n: hi!! this is a really late entry for the BokuAka week! This was suppose to be in Day 1 but I saw the content late :(( I hope you all enjoy!! Happy @bokuakaweek2020!!

Summary: Keiji has always been fond with light novels as a child (influenced by his lovely mother) often you would see him during his free time drowning in an ocean of black ink in a paper boat in any local library and bookstore. Then there's his childhood friend, Bokuto Koutarou, having to just stare at the coffee in his hand in wonder of an idea that will surely change everything they've had.

⇢ Day 1: Confession/Childhood, Coffe Shop AU

✎﹏

Nothing says warm summer breeze than kids running around the park getting down and dirty without a care of the world. Some were seen to be catching bugs that surely made some cringe in disgust, some were seen repeatedly sliding down despite the hot surface their bottoms were receiving, and some just getting chased in a lovely game of tag. That is, until someone gets tripped over.

For a certain owl haired child that stood out of the crowd, all he could do was repeatedly receive a volleyball— in a sloppy way, but in his own world laughs at his mistakes and carries on with his little hobby.

"Akaashi! Look, look! I made this cool move, watch." with excitement rising from his, the boy, Keiji, he had called couldn't help but give him all of his attention as young Bokuto tosses the ball in the air with his small hands. Backing up a little in a receiving stance, eyes determined to catch it, only to have the ball land on his head with a loud thump, causing Bokuto to whine at the slight sting and hold his head on the grassy ground.

"Are you okay, Bokuto?" Akaashi blinked, almost unamused at his best friends mistake. This wasn't an old sight to him.

"You could've atleast be a bit more worried to me." Bokuto pouts, finally sitting up with his hands in between his legs as his hair somehow deflated within his mood.

And yet young Akaashi Keiji found that oddly an adorable perk of Bokuto.

"I'm sorry, Bokuto," he offers a small smile as a pause, "It's just that I knew you'd make a mistake, I was just waiting for you to call me if you needed assistance."

The golden eyed child didn't seem impressed with his reasons, pouting even more with the spikes of his hair almost wilting on his head.

"I knew you would get up on your own anyways. I didn't want to underestimate you."

His ears twitched and perks up. Finally out of his own dejected mode, he sprungs up with sparkling eyes, "Akaashi, that's so sweet of you!" laughing loud with his head thrown back without a care of the world staring at him like a mad child. His laughter soon dies down as he stares deeply into gun metal like eyes.

Akaashi swore he stopped breathing at that time of tension.

"But seriously though, I don't mind if its you who runs to help me up! I know you won't be mean to me like other kids," he then glances at the thick white book on the smaller males hands, "I'm just confused why you seem more excited on that book you always read."

Akaashi's mouth opens a bit, unnoticed by the boy infront of him standing out in the light of the sun as he was seated by the shade of the biggest tree in the park. Trying to utter out the words he wished to say, he prevents himself from going any further and just smiles,

"It's a very knowledgeable book I might need, Bokuto."

And that is was when they were seven years old.

Ever since Bokuto was always on his own due to his parents working overseas, Mrs. Akaashi, being a dotting person as Keiji is always took care of him as a child. She thought it would be nice for her son to grow up with someone as a brotherly figure in his life considering it was always just the two of them.

Without hesitation, Bokuto happily allows himself to be raised by the Akaashi family until he was in highschool, already used to living on his own and doing stuff as a proper adult. Even Keiji was surprised to see that he could handle himself so well than he did. Keiji doesn't even know how to cook for both of them.

Finally at his third and final year, Bokuto stared at the other side of the court, almost in hunger— a predator, twirling the ball in his hands expertly. Unlike before when he was a big squishy child. On the sidelines, Akaashi sat on the floor, still intrigued with the book he hasn't yet finished even for years.

The loud swoosh of the ball being tossed up in the air caught his attention away from his book, only to be greeted by a sight he would describe as, "satisfying."

In almost a perfect spiking stance in his eyes, he watches the captains hands fit his entire palm on the balls leather skin. Pupils dilating a bit at the sight of his forearm flexing in instinct, and giving the ball a rough hit that made it smash on the glossy like surfaced floor, almost looking squished by the impact of that and Bokuto's monstrous strength.

Despite having to see him in this state in both practice and matches, Bokuto never once fails to make the black haired male stare in awe at him from a distance unknown to him, but obvious by others.

Exhaling deeply, the captain hooted loudly into the gym air, "HEY, HEY, HEY!" echoing through the males ears, but he smiles and cherishes the sounds and the phrase he has always heard whenever Bokuto was enthusiastic.

"Akaashi! Did you see that? That was a perfect one, ain't it?!" his eyes sparkling like a child during Christmas. One of the lists Akaashi has about Bokuto was a list of, "What Bokuto Does When He's Very Happy" and number three haopens to be, "He will ask for praise."

"I did. It was amazing." even with a poker face, Bokuto has gotten used to Akaashi expressing his emotions with that facial expression. He knows deep inside how genuine the boy is when it comes to words.

And that's what he always loved about him, yet the world prevents him to do so in fear of not being thrown by society, but to be thrown away by the only person who has stuck with my throughout his life when everyone he loved left.

"Hm? You're still reading that book?" his face going from a happy child to a curious one as his eyes focused once more on the book in his hands. It became a habit of his to always notice something in between the males hands. Because of that, he can already describe Akaashi's hands being bigger than his, but softer by the looks of his.

How he longed to hold them.

Not noticing the way Akaashi flinched at the topic, he hides the lower part of his face with the book. To Bokuto, it seemed he was just resuming to the page he marked before talking to him, but to Akaashi, he was hiding his quivering lips and his lightly pink dusted cheeks.

"I haven't finished it, and it's getting to the good part so.." he trails behind, though his tone stayed the same monotone yet honey smooth like sound.

"Alright, alright. I won't mess with ya. But hey, maybe after you read about it, you could tell me what's it all about."

Raising a brow at the captain, "But aren't you fond of books, Bokuto?" he asks, knowing his bestfriend, the captain of the volleyball team is a known enemy to studying. More so, books.

"Yeah, but this book always has your attention since we were kids. It's only natural I listen to my best buddies interest like he does for me!"

Inside Bokuto's mind, he wanted to speak out the words that were punching their way out of his mouth, "I wanted to know how that book made you smile so fondly a lot."

Akaashi on the other hand was touched at his words. But the only thing that rang in his ear like an annoying buzz was the fact that he was labelled, "Best Bud."

But who was he to feel that way?

"I promise, I'll tell you once I finish, Bokuto."

That promise, Akaashi hoped, Bokuto would forget. Because if he still kept asking about it, he knows it'll risk the only thing that made him happy.

Him

A year passed, Akaashi was left alone during his third year. To say it wasn't pleasant was an under statement. He can no longer hear the loud, echoing greets of his best friend in the hallway, he sits alone on the way home in the train when he used to always go with the entire third year batch. Most of all, he was getting lonely during practices. No one was asking him for a toss due to his intimidating presence.

He recalls the time Bokuto was in full uniform infront of his house as usual. Since they walk to school together, Akaashi wanted him to. But he had to point out that he has already graduated.

Being embarrassed, Bokuto dismissed that and offers to walk him to school. He asked why, and his reason just made his day a bit more brighter,

"I didn't want you to be alone."

Now in the present, finally getting a day off from his hectic work schedule. Akaashi finds himself fully relaxed at a cafe, still reading the thick book that was taken with outmost of care during his childhood days.

This time, he was nearing at the end.

"Here's your order, sir! Two cups of coffee with waffles." the lady in the counter chirps in delight at Bokuto. It wasn't everyday you see Black Jackals famous ace order in a small coffee shop away from prying eyes.

"Thank you! This looks wonderful!" he gives a small review with a charming smile that made the lady squeal silently.

After his game against the Alders, he agreed on eating out with Akaashi on his free days since it had been long since the two had hung out after entering the world of growing up.

Akaashi was internally screaming when Bokuto had invited him out. Growing up, Akaashi developed being more expressive. He could be seen to be smiling a lot more than he was as a teenager.

And Bokuto had never cried tears of joy and thanked the heavens for letting an angel down in his life.

But now the ace had never felt more nervous after their first encounter again as grown ups. He couldn't believe Akaashi would be even more prettier than he was before. Meanwhile Akaashi had to hold his breath upon being in Bokuto presence. He was much more broader, taller than he was. And all Akaashi wantes was to hug him tight infront of so much people that day.

Bokuto stood by the side, his mind debating about something as he stares at the two steaming hot beverages and teasingly sweet smelling desserts then back at Akaashi's figure. Even though he had his back turned from Bokuto, he couldn't help but silently gush on how adorable he looks in sweaters.

Suddenly an idea came to his head.

It was now or never.

"Um miss?" he goes back at the kind lady, who was responsive to his call, "Do you mind..Adding something on the waffle? Maybe even the coffee too??"

Akaashi's nose crinckled a bit as the sweet, satisfying and calming aroma hits his nostrils. Not bothering to take his eyes off the book he was about to finish, Bokuto took a seat infront of him with a nervous smile.

"Still not finished with that book are you, Kaashi?" lightly chuckling when Akaashi fumbles as his glasses lightly messes up on his face.

"I-I am now, Bokuto." pushing the bridge of his glasses up, "So far, it was more than knowledgeable than I thought. Mother was right about being inlove with this book." giving himself a tiny smile at the thought of spending the day with his bestfriend, he didn't expect the topic coming from his best friend's mouth almost make him fall back from his chair.

"Speaking of, being inlove, have you met someone these days?" leaning on his hand for support, Bokuto keeps a close eye on the other males expression. Almost wincing when he saw a small blush on his cheeks. The thought of falling inlove with someone hurts him.

"W-well, I haven't been going out a lot due to my papers from work." fiddling at the hem of his sweater, his eyes taking a quick glance at the book that was on its last page with the text formed in bold and slightly bigger, "But I have been inlove with the same person before." whispering under his breath, his hair falling lightly on his forehead for being too long.

To Bokuto, he was losing hope, but growing up with the habit of not being afraid of trying, he still went for his plan. Even though not knowing he might be hurt in the worse case possible.

"I see..Must be a lucky person to catch your attention huh?" After Atsumu told Bokuto he wasn't allowed to be as dejected as he was before, he had mastered the arts of hiding his own sadness behind his eyes as he looks at the swirling cup of coffee.

"I love them. A lot, but.." the pause made Bokuto look up to him in a more focused and serious matter, "I don't think that person will love me." smiling sadly at the book under his gaze, Akaashi could still feel the erratic beating of his heart slowly hurting inside.

"How could nobody love you? You're like an awesome person to be loved!" the ace exclaimed rather loudly, earning a few eyes from the costumers— who luckily doesn't know him to avoid being crowded, and the lady behind the counter who seemed to be watching things unfold between them in anticipation.

Akaashi doesn't fight the blush on his cheeks as he bites the inside of it, he really wishes he could've had more courage into this if it wasn't for his constant over thinking about the outcomes of an unknown future.

"But if that person doesn't love you, Kaashi.." the sound of the cup of coffee sliding on the wooden table across him slowly to avoid spillage, his eyes widened at the creams design.

"I'd still love you."

It was a heart.

Not believing his eyes, he rubs it with the back of his hand, his mouth now opened a little in shock as Bokuto chuckles away the nervousness in his body.

"You're kidding."

"Why would I joke about saying I love you? That's cruel, Kaashi." Bokuto pouts, but for a short moment and offers him a genuine smile, "Would you dare to believe in me, Akaashi Keiji?" he says, in a lowkey flirty way.

The black haired male gulps, his heart unable to rest, but his mind was somehow at ease at that moment, closing his eyes and letting out a sigh, making the male in front of him worry, Akaashi returns the line,

"Would you dare to believe that I too, was inlove with you since we were 7, Bokuto Koutarou?"

Like a volcano, Bokuto's face erupts in different shades of red, his ears lightly steaming from being too flustered. Gaining his composure, he coughes into his fist, carefully grabbing the plate of waffle that was for him, "You tell me."

And next he slides in the waffle to Akaashi, the chocolate syrup drizzled on the plate with the waffle away from it that read,

"I love you since we were 7."

Now it was Akaashi's turn to blush madly at the confession. He could only raise both palms into his face and buries himself into them.

Was he dreaming or was he really living?

To Bokuto, his world finally was at ease knowing he was loved by the person he has been eyeing since he was a child. He was somehow whining at the back of his head how he didn't get to date Akaashi back in highschool so they'd be those couple goals before and what it would've been if he and Akaashi were to lvie together in his lonely house.

Then again, seeing this moment now was like entering the biggest and most awaited match in his life.

"There's no way I can eat or drink this, Bokuto."

"What? Why not!?"

"This is too adorable and heartfelt."

They both share a laugh with eachother. Occasionally bickerking why Akaashi hasn't touched his food, they both carried on a normal conversation despite having each other confess out of the blue. Both were glad that things were still the same, as if they grew up not only as siblings or as friends, but as if they memorized each others lives.

"Hey, now that you've finished your book. Didn't you promise you'd tell me all about it?" he watches as Akaashi finally took a sip of the heart coffee.

Gulping harshly in embarrassment, he taps his closed book nervously, "Why though?" wanting to change the topic, thinking what he might say may be too cheesy for Bokuto's liking.

"Well you always have your attention on the book. I also wanna know how my lover smiles so much about it."

How could you casually say that? He thinks as his face lightly becomes red at the label he was called, "Lover."

With that ringing in his ears for a good hour, he opens the book to the last page, where the bold and sightly big text was written,

"This book was about two lovers who had different worlds, but they grew up together without telling each other how they felt and eventually drifted apart and forgotten each other." he explains to him with a smile, fingers running on the text of his book.

"So why was Mom and you so inlove with that book?" Bokuto grew up calling Keiji's mother his own mom. It wasn't as weird as it sounds, it was warming for Keiji since it felt like they were a family.

"Because in the end, they have gotten together in one place, and said—" Akaashi's smile becomes a loving grin as he shows Bokuto his favorite line in the entire book.

The same line that made his mother and father fall in an endless love even after his death, it was still the most loving line both Mother and Son could hear from their destined lover.

"I've loved you since we were 7."